mother of invention
i had been looking
for a reason to get away from her months
for we had become loveless and sexless
but a simple break-up wouldn’t work
face to face i chickened out
on the phone while she gave me shit
about my female co-workers or ex-girlfriends
i just let it slide
happy to be off the phone with her
when she finally slammed it down on me
i needed to get her with something
but she had no real life outside of me and the relationship
outside of television and doctor’s appointments
for her made-up ailments
outside of her job working the strip mall dollar store
once i almost had her
when she had me grab a five out of her wallet
stuffed inside with the bills she rarely used
was a folded up piece of paper
with a guy’s phone number and his name
for a second i thought, you bitch
but then euphoria overtook me
i had my ticket to freedom
for a few weeks i held on to this information
thinking i’d hit her when she least expected it
but oddly enough we went through a good period
movies and laughter and that kind of shit
she started wanting to do it again
her happiness over us
started playing with my head
alone i began to wonder
if this joy was a result of the phone number in her wallet
had this other man opened her up?
or let her go to fall back on me
i began to imagine their dalliances
sexual or otherwise
the things in bed that he did to her
that she wouldn’t let me do
the jokes of his that she laughed at
because she’d sure as hell stopped laughing at mine
movies, dinners, walks in the park holding hands
so on and so on
i finally got up the courage to confront her with this
in a dairy queen parking lot
some lost summer night
she claimed that the number was just some kid
who kept coming in the dollar store to hit on her
nothing serious, she said
she opened her wallet to show me that the paper was gone
she was probably being honest
but i called her a whore anyway
and told her that we were done
she threw her blizzard at me and sulked in her car
she cried and pounded the steering wheel
i felt glorious and utterly satisfied with myself
despite the ice cream on my shoes
until it hit me
that timing was everything
how i was thirty miles away from home
without a dime to my name
because my dumb ass
had let her drive to the dairy queen
that fateful evening
so i calmly drank my milkshake
as the sun fell on the commercial landscape
i waited for her to calm down a touch
so that i could get inside the car
hold her hand
caress her hair
invent a brand new way
to apologize this time.
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