poem of the day 07.17.15

lulu

america

is the fat face of benevolence

forever smiling but never really listening

i try to think of this, lulu

watching you walk around here

taking fliers for art exhibits you won’t attend

bus maps for places you aren’t going to

i know it’s only a matter of time

before you’ll sway my way with that vaseline smile on your lips

i know you’re going to ask me where jimmy is

the security guard who retired ten years ago

before i even got here

lulu, i’ll tell you what i always tell you

what everyone here tells you

that jimmy is on break

jimmy is on vacation

so that you’ll stay calm and not have a meltdown

start screaming and knocking things off the shelf

so that you and i can achieve peace

i watch you, lulu

sway between the aisles

in the same dress you’ve been wearing for months

how you’ll grab the same stuff off the shelves

examine them like you’re seeing them for the first time

wondering what to throw

only to put them back and do it all again tomorrow

or the next hour depending on how bad you are that day

i want to be benevolent toward you

i want to be your america

to smile and lie to you and tell you i’m listening

whatever fallacy it takes, lulu

but i’m running on days of no sleep

hangovers and six work days straight

plus all of the poems are coming back rejected

all i know is when i retire from here i’ll remember you

lulu swaying around this place bent and confused

or when i begin to die here, sweating and pale

on the dirty, stained floor

i know it’ll be you leaning over me

taking my hand in yours, lulu

the bus maps and art fliers scattered all about us

telling me softly, as i breathe my last

if only jimmy were back from his break

if only he hadn’t taken vacation this week.