Monday, July 27, 2015

poem of the day 07.27.15

the cartoonist

renji sits in a chair in the back
drawing dinosaurs from a picture on a video screen
he’s a quiet and respectful kid
he spends more than enough time alone
in a sea of children who are always in each other’s shit
i generally like renji
but two days ago
he asked me one question too many
and i sort of blew my top
there was no excuse other than life getting to me
as it gets to everyone else at times
but since then renji stares at me like i’m the devil when i pass
he’s a decent cartoonist from what i can see
his dinosaur is a good facsimile of the one on the screen
i watch him thinking back to when all i cared about was drawing
superheroes and baseball stars
comic book rambo soldiers and mad magazine rip-offs
like renji i was a quiet and respectful kid
who spent more than enough time alone
it’s strange to suddenly become
confronted with yourself like that
like you never know when the past will pop up
thoughts of drawing lead to thoughts of my high school art teacher
who didn’t want me in his freshman visual arts class so badly
that when my pencil tip broke
he and i spent forty minutes walking my campus
until he found a nub thrown into some bushes
and made me use it for the rest of the week
adults have no conception of what they’re able to kill in a child
with the smallest of gestures
i’d like to think that i don’t have
that kind of effect on renji
it would be a shame for him to stop asking me questions
simply because i couldn’t handle my own business
i think i’d like to go over to him
and tell him how much i like his drawing
tell him what a fine cartoonist he’ll make one day
i think i’d like to be the adult in this scenario
but i wonder if it’s too late right now
to simply apologize.


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