Poem of the Day 01.23.09

racing heart

i wake
with piss pains
3:30 a.m.
after a night
of six scotches
and stand
in the bathroom
with my heart racing
trying to piss
thinking
okay this is it
this is what
i’ve been
waiting a year for
and i want
to say i was brave
like i stood there
with my cock out
pissing
inhaling my stale breath
of scotch and sleep
just waiting on the devil
but i wasn’t
i was scared, man,
scared of life
and death together
of my wife finding me
of the sun coming up
on this ugly earth
without me in it.
but then i finished
pissing
my heart still racing
and i went back
into the black
bedroom
and just got in bed
and lay there
waiting on the
6:00 alarm
getting in all the
quiet hours
that i had
coming to me
not sure what
else
there was i could
do.