poem of the day 06.03.09

fat clown

in those days
it was the best way for me to get by
acting the fat clown for the kids in school
mouthing off to teachers
fucking up assignments
and having them go home
for my parents to sign
poking fun at myself before
anyone else did
watching comedy movies
and memorizing the lines
becoming an easy mimic
i suppose it saved me a lot
of teasing back then
a lot less pain and suffering
than i witnessed the other
fat kids getting
although it never got me the girl
and it was easy
playing the fat clown for those fools
making them all laugh
and spit out their milk
every day from nine until three
it was so easy then
to just give in and be the idiot
to bide my time dancing their jig
they made it so easy to come home
and go up to my room
unburdened
untethered by their dumb little schoolyard society
finally alone with books and music
and paper to draw on
hating all of those other kids in private
in ways they never knew
just sitting there as the afternoon turned into night
staring at walls
plotting, thinking
saving it
waiting on the right time for my world to explode
and for the last laugh
to come pouring from this pen
my soul
in ways their slow minds could never dream
after each cheap juvenile chuckle.