poem of the day 08.17.09

staring at new jersey

some of them are having children
or building mansions by a lake
but i am one day past the last panic attack
riding a train
and staring at new jersey
as it unfolds in the setting sun
some of them have jobs
that can get them through it
pets that are wonderful and docile
and happy to see them
but i am two beers up on the world
slumped on this train
and staring at new jersey
counting the chemical plants
on the way to hoboken
some of them have vast florilegiums
of writing
or lead abstemious lives and wake
feeling on top of the world
while i’m hunched over on this train
staring at new jersey
nursing a hangover in the summer heat
bad knees, bade guts, and all
wondering where the good times have gone
for others religion can get them through
the storm
or the poets and novelists
the television or a digital box
full of music at their disposal
or it’s going to the mall or online
and emptying their bank accounts on trifles
but my heart is a work of ancient cartography
a road to nowhere i’d want to go
the shelves are bare
and the meat is rancid on the counter
as i sit staring at new jersey
so beautiful and grotesque
that it makes my eyes hurt
stuck on the same path
just lost and lost again
with the stink of the hudson wafting
in the distance
and the empire state building
daring me to come back for one more bloody round.