poem of the day 01.19.10

hypocrite

i wake her up
and she tells me that she has
a headache
i offer to get her aspirin
but she doesn’t want them.

her stomach feels empty
she says.

i turn on the light
and i tell her
she could be hungover
we went to the bar
last night
and i told her that she
drank most of the wine
when we got home.

i just kept filling her glass.

don’t tell me
she says, sitting up
i have a headache
don’t sit there and tell me
what i did wrong.

i was just guessing
i say

then we sit there in silence.

i feel like a prick.
three days ago
i was kneeling on the bathroom floor
vomiting up bile
from a night of binging
on wine and beer.

i vomited until a part
of my chest turned black and blue.
now here i am
the judge and juror.

do you want some aspirin?
i ask again.

no
she says.
i just need to take a shower.

then she gets up off the bed
to run the water
while i sit there
in the dim light
trying to remember
if we bought enough cat food
or not.