poem of the day 11.27.12

age 20

i was a late bloomer

i had my first girlfriend

after a lifelong drought

she lived thirty miles away

and because i had no ambition

still lived with my parents

still drove their car and ate their food

and still lived by their rules when i didn’t have to

every chance to see her

became a battle royal over gas money and authority

one summer week

her parents went away

to visit her older sister in ohio

i stayed with the girlfriend

because she was scared to be alone

and we fucked all over her house

soiling her carpets and her parent’s bed with hungry sweat

drinking like bacchus and making food

walking around naked

watching o.j. simpson race for his life

down los angeles freeways

and on days that i worked

she drove me into the city for my library job

like we were a cute little married couple

later we’d go back to her parent’s place

for more food and more sex

more playacting away from the world

it was an eye-opening time in my life

a confusion that i never knew was so good

until my mother found out

that we’d be alone all week

she read me the riot act over the phone

made me drag ass home for a proper dressing down

and the girlfriend didn’t understand

even though she was in the same situation as me

we went from fucking fiends

to arguing all over her house

that week between us wiped away by our own chains

two dumb kids too scared to know the power that truly wielded

but the one thing that i remember about that week

above the sweat and debauchery

and the misery of family and love

was her friend’s white convertible

driving down suburban highways

with the roof open and the air breezing in

making waves with my hands under blue horizons

as i was being driven home toward my fate

for a moment feeling so full of hope and youth

feeling so goddamned free

that i couldn’t help but smile like a dumb fool

when there was no reason to

that poor girl sitting next to me

holding my hand

thinking that it was her that was making me so happy

when it was everything

everything else in the world

that was still coming to me

once i figured out how to shake

all of these people off of my back

and really learn how to live.