poem of the day 02.22.13

clown prince of google

he comes over to me

i don’t like his looks from the start

he’s one of those blank ones

nothing in those eyes that are bugging out of his head

so that you can’t tell his intent

let me ask you somethin’, he says

yeah, i say

i don’t want to give him more than this

i don’t know much about computers

i don’t have no computer at home or nothin’, he says

i use my google here

okay, i say

i hate when people tell me

they don’t know much about computers

they think it gives them a pass

it says to me that i’ll be doing all of their work

if you don’t know anything about computers in 2013

i’m willing to bet that you’re not actually human

my cat knows about computers at this point

what about your google? i ask

does it shut off when you close? he asks

huh?

my google

someone said they sent me an email last night

but because you were closed i wasn’t here to get it

and when i checked my google just now it wasn’t there

that’s not how google works, i tell him

he looks at me like i’m the idiot here

sure it is, he says

you think my friend is a liar?

i think your friend never sent the message

bullshit, he says, getting belligerent

it’s because you were closed and i couldn’t access google

so i control google?

maybe, he says

why would i be working here if i controlled google?

deep cover

well, if you’re so sure of this

then why are you asking me about your email? i say

because, he says

because i wanted to see if you’d lie to my face

i’m not lying to you, sir

you stole my email and i want it back

from where? i say

i don’t know where

you know where, smart guy

so you just want me to go to the magical land of google

and find your email, i say

yeah, he says

and then there is nothing else

i’m now one-hundred percent convinced

that this thing standing before me cannot be human

well? he finally says

are you gonna help me or not?

i’m considering my options, i say

but there’s no honest way out of this for me

let me check on it, i tell him

you just go and sit right over there

and i’ll get back to you at my earliest inconvenience

see, now you’re making sense, he says to me

before going to take a seat across the room

it’s then that i open my google

to see that another batch of poems were rejected

making me wish that google would lose my emails too sometimes

then i get up

chock full of crazy for the day

as someone new comes over to me

yelling about schedule a tax forms

that they need for the past three years

and i decide to take an extra-long lunch hour.