poem of the day 07.01.13

pissing

i told her that we wanted

to drink with the ghosts of schubert and strauss

that we’d even throw back a carafe of wein

with the spirit of crown prince rudolf himself

but she was too busy

ushering us through the place to comment on that

snapping at us in german

telling us that we had an hour tops to drink our wine

hell, i can get it down in ten minutes flat, i told her

but she didn’t even crack a smile

when she came back she slammed down the carafe

and i wondered if schubert went through this shit

when he drank here

when we were done drinking the wine

(in just under thirty minutes)

she came by and stood over us while we rooted

through our wallets for the bill

she rejected a fifty euro outright as too much

okay, i said, showing her my wallet, what do you want?

she took a twenty and went on her way

before we left i stopped in the bathroom

and i started pissing all over the floor like a defiant child

i got the rim of the toilet

and even made a nice puddle in the garbage can

for services rendered

but when we got back to the city center of vienna

i made sure to stop in a mcdonald’s to piss all over their floor as well

if for nothing else than to not seem biased

against my austrian hosts

and to thank mcdonald’s for putting their unholy golden arches

all of every single european city

blighting us wayward yanks every step of the way

and for charging four euros for a crappy big mac.