poem of the day 01.08.14

my first checking account

i got my first checking account

a few weeks after i had to have my balls operated on

because the veins down their were trying

to strangle my testicles to death

and render me a late model eunuch

they got one but the doc managed to save the other

the stitches were starting to evaporate

i was itching all of the time

the only thing that quelled the prickling

was sitting in the bathtub, scratching

until the water went cold

my old man

out of work for the spring and summer

and maybe bored with doing laundry

decided that it was high time i got a checking account

he said, you’re starting college

you need your own checking account

it seemed reasonable

albeit an ill-timed revelation on his part

the old man said, get out of the bathtub, son

and become an adult

so i followed him, itchy balls and all

to the bank where there were lines of old people

with checking accounts and saving account and cds

they looked half-dead

but no one seemed to have itchy balls save me

i tried standing away from everyone to scratch

but my old man said, what’s the matter with you?

get over here

so i joined the queue and stood there

and thought about ripping off the one remaining testicle

and maybe finding myself a harem to run

soon i got called aside by a man

with a van dyke wearing a bolero

who told me that a first checking account

was an important thing

it wasn’t my place to argue with him

he looked down at the forms i’d hastily filled out

and started muttering my name

john john john john john

i thought maybe i’d have to call the old man over

so we could handle this guy

but then he looked up and said

don’t mind me, i make it a point to memorize

all our clients names

which was his thing

like itchy balls were becoming my thing

and going to college and becoming an adult

when van dyke bolero handed me

a stack of blank checks

to be honest, the whole thing was anti-climatic

they didn’t even have my name or address on them yet

i didn’t even have money to buy anything with a check

van dyke bolero shook my hand

like i was entering into some secret club

full of checking accounts and savings accounts and cds

lines full of the walking dead

a newly minted adult

i wanted to scratch my balls right there as a celebration

but i held out the whole ride home

until i got back to that bathroom

where running the hot water steamed up everything

and i got lost in youthful revelry

scratching and scratching and scratching like an addict

watching my one red testicle bobbing in the water

as the stiches sizzled and floated away like little blue worms