poem of the day 01.28.14

wine + cat = me in the bathtub

i could’ve fallen asleep in there

really

it was late and i landed in a pretty good position

curled up like a baby

but then i heard my wife scream

she was in the bathroom

before i had time to get comfy

and make a night out of it

of course, one shouldn’t spend their night

sleeping in the bathtub

even if the shower curtain made for a fine pillow

even if the broken shower rod positions you just right

it’s just not what people do

especially on two bottles of wine and scotch

one gets a reputation that way

or they start to accept things like falling into the bathtub

as the new norm

people are creatures of habit

and my habits got me into this situation

actually it wasn’t even my fault

it was the goddamned cat that did it

her litter box is in the bathroom and she was taking a shit

cohabitation in the bathroom with an animal

is one of those new york city things

along with pizza and sky high rent

this cat is fifteen years old and senile

i keep waiting for her to die

because she can’t see and she can barely hear

and who the hell wants to live like that other than a human being

she gets under foot a lot now because of this

and i just didn’t see her that late at night

but i saw that shower curtain, brother

coming at me full speed

i saw myself tangled in it

like my name was jerome “curly” howard

and then the shower rod falling like babylon

i saw the sun and moon and stars

and my own life flashing before my eyes

i saw light

and jesus standing there telling me

we don’t want what you’re selling

better luck downstairs, he said

with a smile

i opened my eyes

i saw that cat lick her ass

and stroll out of the bathroom like nothing happened

then my wife hovering over me

waving her hands like a referee

shouting what’s wrong?

what happened?

like i had an answer for her

at such a religious moment as this.