day THIRTY THREE

“Captain America Is Old and Overrated”

The Orange Menace worries about his ratings.
He knows a battle would give him a bump,
the most miserable loss a Sweeps Week win.

The Orange Menace can’t stand Steve Rogers,
can’t stand living beings who make America great:
“@CaptUSA is just sad. Should’ve stayed iced!”

The Orange Menace attracts Captain America
by dissolving copies of the Constitution in acid.
He screams as a shield breaks his tiny hand bones.

The Orange Menace captures the battle on FB Live.
“AGGH! UGGGH!” he exaggerates for the camera.
Smiley and laughy emojis float across video online.

The Orange Menace puts Band-Aids on his thumbs,
allows less essential body parts to continue to bleed.
“Millions watched,” he tweets. “Millions. I love you.”

                                --Daniel M. Shapiro

Daniel M. Shapiro is the author of Heavy Metal Fairy Tales (Throwback Books, 2016), How the Potato Chip Was Invented (sunnyoutside press, 2013), and The 44th-Worst Album Ever (NAP Books, 2012). He is a senior poetry editor with Pittsburgh Poetry Review.