First of all….i’d like to thank the talented and
thought provoking Jason Baldinger for handling the wrap up duties for Weeks
FOURTEEN and FIFTEEN whilst I gallivanted around the U.K. getting fat on dry
cider. Short of one bartender mocking my american accent, the trip wasn’t
bad…and honestly where else can an american go overseas but the U.K.,
considering they most likely fucked up more than we did with this whole Brexit
business.
Before I begin I just want to say….VIVE LA
FRANCE!! I never thought I’d be this excited for the continuation of neoliberal
policies but after 110+ days of living under an infantile tyrant with small
penis syndrome, I jumped for joy at hearing the news of Emmanuel Macron’s
victory over France’s leading Nazi party. SURE, nearly 34% of the population
voted for a Nazi…but 46% of our population voted for a racist, sexist,
misogynistic, illiterate, orange hued philistine (and he won) so why not?
Sailing into Tuesday evening, man, I thought that
I was going to have an easy one this week. Mock Marie Le Pen? Check. Praise
Sally Yates? Check. Dust off the Ted Cruz jokes? Check. Call the GOP a domestic
terrorist organization and further deconstruct their horrible “health care”
bill? Check. Throw in a few Michael Flynn references…and I was hoping to glide
right on into Week SEVENTEEN in this crumbling empire…but NO….James Comey had
to happen.
Gotta love the DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER
administration…their ability to release startling political information at the
end of the day has to be one of the few intelligent things that they do. Let’s
take a press whose spent the day covering our insanity, let’s take a populace
tired from their jobs, bludgeoned by our ineptitude, people who just want to go
the fuck home and put this day to rest….and just drop a fucking bomb on them.
Don’t believe me? Pay attention. Most of DOUCHE’s bombshell bullshit happen
between 5 and 6 p.m. on an almost regular basis (I’m not counting the
fucktard’s 3 a.m. tweets…those are for his European audience). I’m assuming
that this is done in order to scramble the press into overdrive and to allude
the average citizen whose going home to shop online, eat a microwaved dinner,
stream some bullshit, play video games, social network while they ignore their
children or watch something with a Kardashian in it. It’s almost masterful.
Is the firing of Comey unprecedented? Hmmm…almost.
This is only the second time a sitting U.S. President has fired the director of
the FBI, an appointment that is supposed to last ten years in order that the head
be presumed to work independently of the White House…something James Comey
himself sort of shit all over this election…but I digress…in 1993 Slick Willy
Clinton fired William Sessions after he refused to step down over ethical
concerns. And what were those concerns? Apparently Sessions (such a common name
connected to villainy if ever I’ve heard one) was running a scam to avoid
paying his taxes, amongst other things, including taking a limo to and from
work and billing the government after he built a fence around his home. Seems
reasonable….DOUCHE fired Comey because…wait for it…wait for it…Hillary
Clinton’s emails.
That’s right folks…it’s time to play the
PROPAGANDA game as only an inept and idiotic an administration such as DOUCHE’s
can! emails. EMAILS! DOUCHE honestly wants to press, congress and the American
public to think that he fired James Comey because of….emails. Of course he
doesn’t. DOUCHE knows this is a lie as the press knows this is a lie as
congress knows this is a lie as his wealthy supporters knows this is a lie as
his inbred, dipshit supporters kno….never mind. Comey’s firing his nothing to
do with Hillary Clinton’s emails and most likely everything to do with the
ongoing FBI investigation into the DOUCHE administration’s collusion with
Russians during the 2016 election. PLAIN AND SIMPLE….i even feel like a
redundant asshole for having to write this but I live in America so…once
again…not the emails folks
If anything DOUCHE’s firing of James Comey has
parallels to Richard Nixon’s demanding the firing of Archibald Cox, and
independent special prosecutor, who has subpoenaed the president asking for
tapes of conversations in the White House in regards to the Watergate
investigation. You can read more about all the fun that caused right here.
that said…DOUCHE did write to James Comey that the
firing had nothing to do with Comey assuring DOUCHE three times that he was not
under investigation, but more from the fact that after the third reassurance
DOUCHE was upset that Beetlejuice did not appear.
also...calling Comey a showboat? pot calling the kettle, asshole
As if more bad news this week were possible…on Thursday
DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER signed an executive order creating a commission to
investigate voter fraud in an election that he WON. While he commission is to
be run by Mike “POTUS 46 in waiting” Pence, the commission’s co-chair, Kris
Kobach, is of bigger concern here….as if anything is worth being more concerned
about these days. For the uninitiated: Kris Kobach is the Kansas Secretary of
State. He’s an advocate of strict, beyond strict really, voter laws. Kobach was
basically the driving force behind those strict voter laws in Kansas that
required new voters to provide a passport, birth certificate or naturalization
papers when voting as proof of citizenship…something that he’d LOVE to take to
the federal level and make law. Kobach’s name was one of those floated about
for the head of the Department of Homeland Security job…my guess is that DOUCHE
was simply waiting to give him a much more nefarious role and finally found it
in this taxpayer wasting, Russian scandal averting smoke and mirrors
commission.
Turning back to France’s election…a little tidbit
that you may already know. France had their lowest voter turnout at 74% of the
population…that’s the lowest it’s been since 1969, a year after the tumultuous
riots in Paris. If 74% of the people voted in the United States in 2016 it
would’ve been the HIGHEST voter turnout since 1896 when William McKinley
defeated William Jennings Bryan…on that note, if I haven’t enough, I’d like to
once again thank those of you who voted for DOUCHE for this mess, especially
you fucking assholes in Wisconsin, Michigan, and my home RED state of Pennsylvania.
I’d like to thank you dipshit, ignorant, self-involved motherfuckers who looked
at both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, said they were basically the same
(really, fuckfaces?) and chose to vote for a third party shithead….but most
importantly I’d like to extend a thank you to all of you lazy snowflakes who
chose to shrug and stay home on election day…hope you’re enjoying the end of
your democracy.
I’ve been reading tons of articles this week
saying with DOUCHE firing Comey were are looking at a despot consolidation his
authoritarian power, and tons of articles basically saying that this is the
beginning of the end of the DOUCHE era….i tend to side with the former. DOUCHE
is basically paint-by-the-numbers autocrat in the making with nobody in any
position of power to stop him or call him on his threats. He’s proven his guilt beyond a doubt and has
violated the constitution so many time I’m surprised there isn’t a harassment
lawsuit filed against him…the point is…no one cares. The GOP? Man, they’re too far gone…they’ve been
beholden to corporate interests for so long that none of this matters. The
democrats simply don’t have the power to do anything. People keep talking about
mid-term elections in 2018…but how fucking far gone will this nation be by
then? Can we really sustain another 20 months of this?
I’ll be honest…this week put me right back to the
days after the election where I pretty much feel hopeless. I’m not shocked and
surprised by anything that DOUCHE has done…I expected it. I suppose that I’m
getting worn out already of living under this asshole…which isn’t fair. If you
look at the history of the United States basically women and minorities having
been living under “democratic” government such as this since 1776….so this is
me in a moment of weakness here.
I gotta dust off folks…we all do…we knew this was
going to be a motherfucker of a fight…so let’s fight…DOUCHE has the power but
he doesn’t really own shit. Keep making art, keep protesting, keep ahold of
yourself and that in which you value…We the People…we need to make that mean
something….when it comes down to it….we need to make all of those milquetoasts
in Washington piss their pants when they think of the general population….so
keep pushing us DOUCHE…but remember…you’ve been warned, motherfucker.
Stick around because at 10:30 we got the poetry of
Joe Cottonwood and Tomorrow at the same time we have the poetry of Donna
Hilbert….and remember to SUBMIT2RESIST right here at
winedrunksidewalk@gmail.com
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