it wasn’t loaded
it’s not that $4.65 an
hour
was a lot of money
it’s that $5.50 was more
add in benefits, even more
those were the choices
then
they haven’t changed much
although with this
disparity
they’ve become far more
dire
I was failing out of community
college
storms of depressions
already manifest
I started working two jobs
finals week, I had already
surrendered
I started in lawn and
garden
days dehydrated in summer
sun
green shirts sweat soaked
as we loaded bags of
fertilizer
grass seed, plant food
into lines of cars
the suburban lawns would
be healthy
this year, even if what
was inside
those houses would come to
rot
after peak season
I should have been laid
off
like the other help
but I was better
I was so good at loading
bags of shit that I would
be permanent
wal-mart brought me inside
air conditioning and
halogen lights
a house cat now relegated
to sporting goods
never mind I knew
nothing
much worth knowing about
sport
I hadn’t been fishing in
years
I’d only been hunting once
I was six, my uncle and
father
sent me after a rabbit
with a twenty-two
rifle, I confirmed my kill
when they tried me teach
me to clean it
I nicked the lower
intestines
rabbit shit spilled
everywhere
I learned quickly
to memorize people’s
hunting
and fishing stories, it
may be
artificial, that’s what
salesmen do
a little encouragement, a
little message
something passing quietly
to remind the customer
that what they need
is something they actually
want
all the same, I was never
comfortable
around the guns, we sold
rifles
we sold shotguns. I was
amazed
how little awareness
people
have with a weapon in
their hand
I mean not that I had any
training
but I understood clearly
never
point a weapon at a human
even if it wasn’t loaded
I may have known it
it didn’t matter
I don’t know how often
I was distracted
by the attention
that a modern retail
environment demands
only to turn my head back
to a customer
find myself looking down
the barrel of a gun
when I yelled at the
customer
I was told I was an
asshole
it wasn’t a big deal
it wasn’t loaded
--Jason Baldinger
No comments:
Post a Comment