pome of the day 09.09.10

humming death

reading the newspaper online
listening to the hum of the computer
i get a sharp pain in the top of my head
that sets my heart fluttering
faster than a morning coming off of
half a pint of scotch
i think this is the big one
the hemorrhage
the medical gift passed down
from my old man’s side of the family
if this is it
then suddenly i want life by the balls
to feel the lion’s roar of youth
come raging out of me
i get up from my chair
the throbbing in my head dissipating
although i am ready for the next one
the glorious blood clot burst
that’ll send me into black eternity
i walk out of the office
into the main quarter of the job
nervous, dizzy
waiting on the collapse
i see the faces of the beginning of the work week
scowling, angry, hateful faces of the dead
bickering and handing each other
another week’s worth of misery
and i walk back inside my dim room
thinking, please, if there is a god
don’t take me this way
not here
not with these people
with these faces of doom
the hum of this machine
if nothing else
i at least deserve a last golden copulation
a final spot by the beach
with the sun going down over the ocean
and someone with a soft voice
telling me that it’ll be
fine
fine
fine.