idiots abroad
christ
you hear that accent behind you
and it reduces you to nothing
sitting in a small café
trying to shove down lunch
with all of that vatican wealth
gleaming gold in the distance
you hear that accent
dull and american
slow and purposeful
like john wayne hungry
for a ham and cheese sandwich
and it just lowers you into the dirt
in fact, none of them are even trying
to speak the language
or even read what’s on the menu
they just demand and demand again
talking louder as if it will make a difference
in the translation
but this has been par for the course
idiots abroad in the eternal city
wearing their baseball hats
and football team t-shirts
taking the piss out of the italians
with their boorishness
photographing everything in sight
but taking in nothing
chanting usa! usa! when the mood hits them
packs of these well-heeled yanks
roaming around with that clueless american gaze
their ignorance buffered by
single file tour groups at the pantheon
and a sense of global entitlement
pulling along their angry kids
the trust fund daughters on high school vacation
complaining about not being at the mall
their young asses getting fat on gelato
the thick-necked sons laughing
at the penises on priceless sculptures
trying to pick up italian girls
with nothing but that foolish and taxing
american swagger
jerking each other off in hot hotel rooms
with not enough air conditioning
you hear that bland, self-righteous accent behind you
and it reduces you to rubble
takes you out piece by piece
because you are a part of it too
this red white and blue abomination
although you try to hide your shame beneath
the veneer of thoughtfulness and quiet
of polite discussion
and a bit of banter over the house wine
you are an idiot just as well
through no fault of your own
and that waiter smiling nervously at you
as he cautiously pours out the red
into two crystal glasses
chalices that catch the last orange glow of the sun
well, he was just dressed down by a tableful
of your countrymen
dressed in bright old navy t-shirts
and grand canyon hats
for the cardinal sin
of not having decaf coffee on the menu
and now he’s just waiting on you
for whatever it is that’ll make you strike.
