Poems of the Day 01.26.09

lost weekend

i was sure she was fucking
someone else
but there i was in atlantic city
anyway
with a group of friends
that i was getting less
and less close to
and i know she was fucking
someone else
back in pittsburgh that weekend
she was eighteen
but told everyone she was twenty
and i was twenty-three
she was going to the prom
with an old friend
and i was in atlantic city
with dead friends
and comp meals and free drinks
and air supply and elvis shows
and a pocket full of ritalin pills
that i’d stolen out
of someone’s desk at the job
i was so sure she was fucking
someone else
not necessarily the guy she went
to prom with
but maybe this friend
of her older sisters
who she wouldn’t shut the fuck up
about
this weasel-looking guy
who always watched us when
we were together
looking at me like i was some
kind of animal
christ, she was back in pittsburgh
fucking someone else
and i was in atlantic city
getting high off of ritalin
and beer and vodka and pot
and these long island ice tea drinks
that knocked me on my ass
she was back home fucking some weasel
and i was in a strip club
watching my buddy come in his pants
during a lap dance
because he loved her too and hated me now
watching my buddy lose twelve hundred dollars
at poker tables
and at palm readers
because he loved her too and i took her away
and i was so damned sure
she was fucking someone else
the weasel
the prom date
one of her co-workers at the wall-mart
anyone
and there i was in atlantic city
friendless
vomiting off of the boardwalk
standing in the rain
at a pay phone
with twenty dollars in quarters
trying to call pittsburgh
trying to call her
but all i got was the answering machine
on her cell phone
and her father back home
who said she hadn’t been there since
friday night
and i knew right then and there
that we wouldn’t last
because she was back in pittsburgh
fucking someone else
and i was standing in the rain
in atlantic city
watching the gray ocean curl
over the gray sand
thinking, billy wilder
you can go and eat your goddamned
heart out.