black and white and
read all over
i didn’t have an alarm
so my old man used to haul me out of bed
at four-thirty in the morning
there they’d be waiting for me
a stack of newspapers
when i couldn’t even see straight
i always remembered it being cold
when i had to deliver those things
sitting in the car with my old man
freezing my ass off
or leaning over him while he sprayed wd-40
to try and get the car to work
my old man always came with me
i was twelve and probably too young
to be delivering morning papers
so he’d sit inside the car listening to talk radio
keeping the heat running for me
so i could hop inside and get out of the cold
this kindness tempered my anger
at waking up before the sun rose
i didn’t like delivering the papers
navigating the neighborhood when it was still dark
and every house was pitch black
fighting off the dogs that had been left out all night
the raccoons that were still attacking last night’s garbage
often i would start to doze at school
while the other kids sat in class bright-eyed and
well-rested
the money from the job wasn’t even that good
people would moan and complain at me
if their paper wasn’t outside the door by six
but they never seemed to be home
when i came to collect
except for a house full of teenage girls
who used to look at me like i was a piece of shit
when i came for my money
those girls were always around
to try and make me feel worse about my setup
the only joy that i got from the paper route job
was coming home and watching espn
while my old man woke my mother
and the two of them got ready for work
they had this exercise show on the channel, body shaping
that had these two chicks exercising
and lifting weights
in bikinis
i used to watch that show
and tug on my pecker like i was working against the clock
waiting for something
anything to happen
every single morning
until one day….success
and that show tempered the anger
of getting up before the sun
way more than my old man
keeping that car running with the heat
or catching one of those teenage girls
walking around the house in her underwear
scratching her narrow ass
while i stood on the porch
stock still
waiting for the big payoff.
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