heroin chic
i lost seventy pounds
between my junior and senior year of high school
i did it through diet and exercise
only i told everyone that i could
that i was on heroin but that i’d kicked it
the bullies and the jocks
the pretty girls on the bus
who’d laughed at me and my fat boy crushes
heroin, i said
really? they said
like they couldn’t believe it
you don’t seem the type, dude
but i am, dude
they always asked why
it was probably because they never
had anything to worry about
being bullies and jocks and pretty girls on the bus
i wanted to say it was because of them
that i’d turned to drugs
but i didn’t know anything about heroin
i only drank beer
so i always said, depression, man
and they didn’t even understand that
but depression seemed like a reason for doing heroin
the rumor didn’t get around too much
but the guidance counselor caught on
he was an all right guy
albeit a little too concerned
he pulled me out of class a lot
so that we could talk in the hallways
about how i was feeling
he always wanted to talk about heroin
this place is a trap
it stifles individuality, i said
it’s a factory for the self-righteous and dull
but the heroin, he said
i can’t wait to leave here and never come back, i said
i’d burn this place if i could get away with it
if you don’t tell me about the heroin
i’m calling your parents, he said
there was no heroin, i said
you’re lying, he said
i lost weight through diet and exercise
let me see your arms, he said
can’t you see this place is killing me? i said
and on and on and on
until i rolled up my sleeves and showed him my arms
why’d you tell everyone it was heroin? he asked
boredom, i said
after that he stopped coming to get me out of class
and it got around that i’d just lost weight
the bullies and the jocks and the pretty girls on the bus
weren’t intrigued by that
i went back to being ignored again
back with other outcasts like big pink and fat elephants
hiding in the corner of the room
at their homecoming dances
and their mother fucking prom
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