poem of the day 05.15.14

confession

it would have to be on the honor system

catholicism being what it was

but we were all going to tell the priest

in the confessional room the same thing

that we were excessive masturbators

it beat telling the priest that we swore and stole

or snuck smokes on basketball courts

that we were mean to our parents and fellow man

when i went in the confessional room

the priest was sitting in a chair facing the wall

my chair was to the back of him

hello, he said.

hey, i said

we waited

oh, yeah, it’s been some months since my last confession

then we waited again

you may begin at any time, the priest finally said

so i started telling him

but instead of the masturbation i started telling him

about ripping off baseball cards and snuff from thrift drug

how i stole some of my old man’s kools

hmmm, the priest said

he looked at his watch

it was boring shit

so i got with the program

father, i said

i also like to play with myself

uh, hmmmm, he said.  he perked right up

i can’t stop, i continued

exercise shows, sitcom moms, movie starlets,

blonde evening news anchors on channel 11,

my neighbor who never wears a bra,

my old man’s playboys, batgirl, wonder woman,

and cher in that black leather outfit that showed her…

okay, the priest said.  i think i understand

what’s going on here

he started craning his neck

trying to get a look at me

if he craned left, i went right

he sighed

if we’d done our jobs correctly

he’d heard this story a lot

except cher

i added cher on my own

the priest didn’t even offer any words of encouragement

he made me do the act of contrition

which i forgot midway through

just go out and say five hail mary’s, he told me

when i got up the poor fool

had his head resting in his hands

he had another three of us to go before

he could seek the solace of release

when i got back into the main area

calvin deflino was waiting to go in

what did you do? he said

i added cher, i told him

then he gave me a wink and a high five

before going in to say his peace

and receive such immaculate absolution.