lulu
america
is the fat face of benevolence
forever smiling but never really listening
i try to think of this, lulu
watching you walk around here
taking fliers for art exhibits you won’t attend
bus maps for places you aren’t going to
i know it’s only a matter of time
before you’ll sway my way with that vaseline smile on your
lips
i know you’re going to ask me where jimmy is
the security guard who retired ten years ago
before i even got here
lulu, i’ll tell you what i always tell you
what everyone here tells you
that jimmy is on break
jimmy is on vacation
so that you’ll stay calm and not have a meltdown
start screaming and knocking things off the shelf
so that you and i can achieve peace
i watch you, lulu
sway between the aisles
in the same dress you’ve been wearing for months
how you’ll grab the same stuff off the shelves
examine them like you’re seeing them for the first time
wondering what to throw
only to put them back and do it all again tomorrow
or the next hour depending on how bad you are that day
i want to be benevolent toward you
i want to be your america
to smile and lie to you and tell you i’m listening
whatever fallacy it takes, lulu
but i’m running on days of no sleep
hangovers and six work days straight
plus all of the poems are coming back rejected
all i know is when i retire from here i’ll remember you
lulu swaying around this place bent and confused
or when i begin to die here, sweating and pale
on the dirty, stained floor
i know it’ll be you leaning over me
taking my hand in yours, lulu
the bus maps and art fliers scattered all about us
telling me softly, as i breathe my last
if only jimmy were back from his break
if only he hadn’t taken vacation this week.
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