poem of the day 02.05.16

try someone else brother

then there’s this lunatic

sitting next to us on the N train

one of those shouting screaming ones

who has multiple souls inside of him

all trying to tear him apart

the schizophrenics never get benevolent beings

i state as a matter of fact

but still we were the stupid ones

who didn’t see him there

didn’t realize one half of the train was empty

save this guy and all his innards

but that’s what euphoria will do

or is this just relief?

i mean you were gone what?

three, three-and-a-half hours

this after coming out of the exam room twice

in your gown, which i know you hate

in tears i might add

because the technicians had lost your films

and weren’t going to do the mammogram

it was stupid of me, all things considered

to be thinking in that moment…thank christ

not because i didn’t want the mammogram done

we’d been steeling ourselves for it for two months

because breast cancer at thirty-seven will do that

or because i wanted you to have to trudge home

take off work again

worry for who knows how many weeks

because of some clerical error or filing mishap

it’s just that i thought thank christ

because i’d seen you crying in hospital gowns before

in corridors with fake picasso’s on the wall

knowing that it could get

much much worse than a cancelled appointment

but still three hours was a long time

i’ve never paced in a waiting room before

like a film character

something out of a 1930s baby romp

as people who came in after came and went

i wondered if it would be an impropriety

to barge back in that examining room

find you within the crowd of women

all in hospital gowns and on cell phones

all facing their own kind of terror

just for some information and solace

and i was going to do it too

except you came out around high noon

with thumbs up and a smile

safe for another six months

before we start this circus all over again

so, really, what’s one lunatic schizo

screaming in my face

mean to us on an afternoon N train?

a lot

that’s why we got the hell off at the next stop

and ran like two scheming kids to the next train

his madcap voice trailing us down the station

because the surge of life

will do that to you

they say it’s funny sometimes

so darling…laugh     

    

we got so much to live for