poem of the day 11.24.10

not drinking

not drinking
for nearly two days now
i feel lightheaded and constantly hungry
i’m constipated and then i have bad gas
but i think there must be some value in this act
well, i am helping my wife anyway
or i think that i am
she is on antibiotics for ten days
and the doctor told her that a drink could be lethal
so i decided not to drink in front of her
because if in the same shoes
i’d want to kill the person
who drank in front of me
but then i got this crazy idea
that i could make the whole ten days without a drink
so i had decaf tea on the couch last night
and read some of a biography
on george washington
i thought about throwing an old typewriter
through our living room window
or picking a fight with the upstairs neighbor
but i didn’t see the point in such obtuse madness
i bantered with the ladies at work this morning
as they talked about tv shows and pop music
i had a salad for lunch
and pretended that it was good
but in two hours i go home alone
walking by all the newly hung christmas lights
and the dumb people stoned on the boring goal of existence
consumed by a depressing late november heat
that won’t end
i’ll go home and know that there is a pint of scotch
on top of the refrigerator
just in case of an emergency
and that the bar is only a couple of blocks away
in it half-bagged people will be laughing
and playing the jukebox
i can already see them now, sitting here slowly detoxing
trying to collect my clouded thoughts
all those kings and queens of the saloon
full-bellied and complete
without suffering or false altruism
and i will think how badly i hate them
for their small and ordinary joys