Tuesday, August 26, 2014

poem of the day 08.26.14

the caged blur

back then
i was going mad in my loneliness

i was without love
because i didn’t want
the kind of love that was coming my way

i couldn’t write
because i had nothing to write about
but sitting in bars with half-friends
trying to pick up women out of my league

wasting weekend nights on my own fear and failures
vomiting it all up on sunday mornings

i decided that pittsburgh was too small
i told everyone that i was going to join the merchant marine
although i had no clue how to do it

the internet was new at that time
so i’d look up the merchant marine online
and print up a bunch of shit like i was serious about it

no one cared

it wouldn’t have made a dent in their lives
if i was gone

i’d be one less obstruction toward getting
to the end of their day

i used to sit alone on the steps of the carnegie library
looking at those merchant marine papers

chain smoking cigarettes
and not touching my lunch

wondering what in the hell i was going to do now
that i was out of college with no job prospects and no ambition

i made it a harder time than it had to be
because i took america much more seriously then

it all seemed so serious and heavy sitting there
underneath that waving flag

i felt like a scared mouse
waiting for my turn to get on the wheel
and spin and spin and spin

around and around
this fabulously, dizzy, mendacious
caged blur that we have the audacity
to try and call a life

too confused to even try to look
for a simple and glorious way out.


No comments: