exercise
tonight i am in the living room
doing this exercise dvd
sweating to the oldies like an asshole
while outside people are coming home from work
to walk dogs and watch television
they stand in front of my window to smoke
for their animal to take its evening shit
when i catch someone looking in
i want to tell them
hey, man, usually i’m drinking on the couch
but instead i’m reaching and bending
stretching muscles i no longer had use for
following the steps of some flamer
dressed in short shorts and pink socks
who keeps trying to prod me along
i’d strangle him with my bed sheet if i could
but i’m struggling for breath
and worried about a possible heart attack
really this is my doing
some forty year old kick in the ass
guilt from decades spent in the wasteland
of scotch and waters and books that i don’t remember
i tell myself i’m not going to drink tonight
even though i’ve been thinking about
that bottle of vodka since i got home
the four beers in the fridge
the single glass of wine left in the bottle
i tell myself that tonight is for self-improvement
a little exercise, a light dinner
some reading on the couch until bed
no headache and no hangover at five the next morning
straight and narrow and boring as all get out
i’ll keep the madness from creeping back in
through exhaustion
and if that doesn’t work
maybe i’ll have a few drinks after all
turn on the radio and say fuck it
think maybe next year
i’ll try yoga instead
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