sobriety is
my wife isn’t drinking during the week
while she’s getting her biopsies and MRIs
i cut out the hard liquor
and am relegated to the abyss of wine and beer
oh, poor me
afloat on two drinks a night and nothing else
sobriety is a motherfucker
but the first thing the doctor harped on
was how much that she and i drank
she said one drink a night is fine
but there might be a link
between excessive drinking and…
i didn’t hear the rest because that’s when i started crying
it’s strange to reevaluate your life
while some doctor is feeling your wife’s breasts and armpits
looking for lumps and swollen lymph nodes
five scotches a night
five scotches and a magnum bottle of red
friday through sunday
and rivers of beer at the ready at all times
sobriety is a hard concept
but so is discussing lumpectomies and mastectomies
as if they were curtains to buy or next year’s vacation
destination
taking a break from reading that novel
only to find that your wife has been crying on the couch
for the whole hour
and it is your job to make her feel better
when you have a headache and can’t even feel good yourself
sobriety is an illusion
it is me thinking that we’ll just go back
to the same behavior once this is all said and done
cancer like getting a tooth pulled
or a car inspected and road ready
it’s me telling my wife that she’s going to survive
sobriety is a noose
because there will be no vacation from this
it’ll end but it’ll always be there looming in the
background
for the rest of our lives
shit cramps and kid fears
with every mammogram coming down the line
these nights of tea sipping to symphonies
it’s the new norm
we might as well join a bowling league
or make friends with the new neighbors
sobriety is a black hole
that i’ve been trying to escape for years now
and it’s brought us nowhere but here
under these fluorescent lights
in this tan examining room
drained and tired and shot to shit
waiting to hear what that the prognosis is
07.10.14
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