peppers
alvin liked to eat peppers whole
he sat at lunch with a pepper
palmed in his hand like he was nolan ryan
then he went to town
this seemed to bother everyone else
why is alvin eating his peppers that way?
they all asked each other
people in that place had a real problem
worrying about their own backyards
their peppers were cut in thin strips in dull salads
or sautéed on sandwiches that stunk up the staff room
they ate piles of chinese food
with fried peppers that looked like colorful slugs
they didn’t like that alvin sat there
on his only free hour of the day
and ate his pepper like he was eating an apple
people there had a real problem with freedom
or thinking outside the box
alvin spent a lot of time in the bathroom
this really got everyone’s goat as well
they’d sit in the staff room
eating their malodorous and greasy lunches
while alvin did his business in the crapper
they wondered why he was in there for so long
it’s those goddamned peppers, they’d say
when they ran out of all other reasons
peppers make you go
everyone knows that
that’s why i do my business
at home, they said
i never go at work
which explained the sea of constipated faces
throughout the day
usually one of them would get up
and pound on the bathroom door
people are waiting out here, they’d say to laughter
although when alvin came out of the shitter
none of them ever went inside
unless it was to check on what he did in there
sometimes they’d spray lysol for no reason
alvin has been gone from that place
for four years now
but i’m still there
whenever anyone has peppers in their lunch
they look around the room and say, hey, remember alvin?
remember how he used to sit there
and eat his peppers whole?
then they laugh
someone usually mentions how
he was always in the bathroom too
eventually the laughter dies down
people go back to their lunches
and playing games on their cell phones
with nary a hint of lysol in the air
or sometimes the hour passes
with no noted conversation at all.
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