day THREE HUNDRED and NINETY ONE

Me too and You too

He says he didn’t know.

Or understand.

He didn’t mean to do anything wrong

even when he walked her back to the couch

poured more wine

and tried again

after having just failed

to fuck her.

I think about that party in college

him so witty and charming

following me from room to room

me flirting back because it was fun

and I liked him

but wasn’t going to fuck him.

His anger frothy like the beer foam

when by the end of the night he realized

this was not going to end the way he wanted,

spewing at me that he put in all this work.

Realizing then that I was a thing to be overcome.

That the dance I thought we were both doing

the one I hoped would end in plans for coffee

the next day

or a movie

was in fact not a dance at all

but a simple hunt.

This is the way we are raised.

Women demure.

Men pursue.

Think of Han and Leia.

The lessons have always been there.

This is what we talk about when we talk about rape culture

but all men hear is rape

and not culture

and all they think of is a cartoon scary man in the bushes

not themselves,

pouring more wine

pushing for sex

thinking every kiss will lead there

like those who claim

there is no climate change

because it’s cold

means there is no global warming

The subtlety is lost in the context

because the lesson has been taught over and over and over again.

Just keep pushing/ just keep pushing back.

Remember just because it wasn’t

violent

doesn’t mean it wasn’t

a violation.

--Ally Malinenko