"best of" poem of the day 01.25.16

novel writing, four days w/o heat or hot water, a blizzard....we'll try again tomorrow.

irate american

there is no simplicity

in bureaucracy

there is only me and this guy

on the other end of the line

asking me a million questions

about my credit card history

my banking history

when all i want to do it put a note in my account

saying i’ll be in germany and prague for two weeks

i imagine he is in india

because that’s what he sounds like

i try to tread carefully

don’t want to sound like the irate american

so i play it cool while he puts me on hold

then puts me on hold again

comes back and asks me

where i live

makes me repeat my phone number

work number

he even asks me about

the previous phone number attached to the card

i’m surprised that i remember it

do you want me to send you my sperm too? i ask

but he only puts me on hold again

what’s going on? my wife asks

i shrug and wait

he gets back on the phone

he asks me when the last time i used the card was

where i used it

how much did i charge

look, i don’t remember, i tell him

i hardly use this thing

is there something wrong with my account?

he puts me on hold again

i can feel the blood boiling beneath me

the fear

the beast emerging

i imagine terrorists or some jack-off

who wanted exercise equipment has stolen my information

a duplicate me out there

buying all of the shit that i can only look at

when he gets back on the line he gets a word out

sir

before i start

a litany of profanity so long

i couldn’t tell you how i laced it together

but it feels good to yell at him

to yell at someone

to pitch a fit

have a good old temper tantrum

to tell this faceless imp thousands of miles away

how i feel fucked with

abused

degraded

me? a card holder for twenty-three years

there are chicks giving head in bars

who weren’t even born when i got this card, i shout

i tell him how i’m going to cut the card

into a million pieces and sent it to him

like a horse’s head

a ransomed finger

as if he cares

as if anyone cares

and when i’m finally done yelling

i notice there’s a woman on the line

instead of my main man

she says, the note has been added to your account, sir

then hangs up

while i stay there on the line

sweating

shaking

letting another hollow victory wash over me.

                                                                        05.11.15