john wayne, my wife
and me
all saddle up to a bar
blocks off the reeperbahn
the place is full of three old hamburg drunks
who stop like a record when we walk in
my wife and i order an astra
john wayne takes a coke with ice
because they don’t have any budweiser
but the bartender is too put back
by our american skin to draw them
he just stands there staring at us
looking at john wayne out of the corner of his eye
one of the drunks lets out a moan
he points at us with his shaky trigger finger
john wayne says, we didn’t come for any trouble, partner
so put the gun down
then he gets off his stool to take a piss
the bartender draws our beers
let’s my wife and i get through half of them
before he starts talking
he says, america, you shoot them up?
cowboys and indians?
i turn back looking for john wayne
because he’s always better with this stuff than i am
i try to go through everywhere incognito
but my wide gate and the jingling spurs always give me away
i weigh the odds
three old drunks
john wayne, my wife and me
the bartender says
hey, america, you make hamburgers
but i’m a hamburger you can’t eat
then he laughs and the far off drunk laughs
the one near us keeps pointing and moaning
he says, america, bah
then almost falls off of his stool
when john wayne gets back i tell him what happened
i tell him we should’ve stayed home
gone and seen the grand canyon instead
but john just takes his coke down in one pull
lights a camel and says,
courage is being scared to death
and saddling up anyway
plus i know a place by the hotel that does ribs
better than they do back in texas
my wife and i finish our astras
we thank the bartender for his hospitality
he gives us a double-barrel shotgun farewell
then shoots down a shot of jaeger
as we ride off into the sunset
a chorus of their laughter
left behind us on the trail.
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