watching the girl
watching the hot dog
vendor
drunk on
jasper johns
we stumble from the frick into white light
portia moaning hungry
and i think i’ll catch the earlier bus home
but she pulls me across bigelow
two for two-dollar hot dogs
on the steps of hillman library we eat
me watching the girl
watching the hot dog vendor
screaming red hots! red hots!
flipping dogs and calling out to everyone
sizzling chicken soda can flip top
portia says
she likes watching people
comes from a small town and all of this city
is still insane to her
and it made me smile like a fool
big goof smile
because i’d fallen out of wonder with here
and yesterday’s cold and bright sun
had me on the verge of tears
and the hopelessness can be so overwhelming at times
damned youth hopelessness that can’t see beyond the self
the way we suffer at nothing
only portia
only her bright eyes and smile
let me see how things here weren’t all dead
how she watched everything in the way i wish
i still could
i longed for things to be like they were
i longed for kris to feel the same
for us to sit together on the steps of hillman
no blues
no soul
just me and kris eating hot dogs
but portia she
mustard smiled me ketchup smiled me
with heaven’s cloth i’d wipe her mouth
if only
if only
but our kid’s still not bold enough
to make a simple chess move.
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