vicious mystery
all women
all men
all people
all of it a vicious mystery
and so i chase marilyn
waited fifty minutes in sick sweat
sweat-matted hair
ears red
follow her down cathedral steps
through vast collegiate corridors
and i track her down
like prey
this vicious mystery woman
call her by her god-given name
marilyn
marilyn
she turns in wind-blown sad pittsburgh gray
smiling like she’s known me forever
talk such rapid talk
in one minute
i find out her major (sociology)
career goals (social worker)
home state (new jersey)
forty minutes out of new york
artist mother
artist father
what does she even ask me?
still she says
you should move to new york
move to the village
become a stereotype
(or do i think this?)
and through all of these months of pitied hell
i felt and hell i probably looked like
i ask her out
promise big holy pittsburgh saturday nights
in big holy pittsburgh bars
glorious drunks
marilyn says she’s a prude
won’t get drunk
ah, hell, i say
i’ll get drunk for all of us
she doesn’t laugh
i tell her this spring will die
this summer will come
you should come out with me
i say
yes, she says
or maybe, she says
but first new jersey, she says
we walk away so bashful with plans
her phone number
clutched in sweaty hand
immediately i sink into me
thinking one date
leads to two dates
leads to a relationship
comfort
complacency
then alienation
break-up desolation
i slap my face and say
what are you doing?
i turn
marilyn not even a speck on big pitt campus
walking huddled
across bigelow boulevard
coal hair blowing up
she looks back
she waves
and i know
i’ve already ruined this
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