my first checking
account
i got my first checking account
a few weeks after i had to have my balls operated on
because the veins down their were trying
to strangle my testicles to death
and render me a late model eunuch
they got one but the doc managed to save the other
the stitches were starting to evaporate
i was itching all of the time
the only thing that quelled the prickling
was sitting in the bathtub, scratching
until the water went cold
my old man
out of work for the spring and summer
and maybe bored with doing laundry
decided that it was high time i got a checking account
he said, you’re starting college
you need your own checking account
it seemed reasonable
albeit an ill-timed revelation on his part
the old man said, get out of the bathtub, son
and become an adult
so i followed him, itchy balls and all
to the bank where there were lines of old people
with checking accounts and saving account and cds
they looked half-dead
but no one seemed to have itchy balls save me
i tried standing away from everyone to scratch
but my old man said, what’s the matter with you?
get over here
so i joined the queue and stood there
and thought about ripping off the one remaining testicle
and maybe finding myself a harem to run
soon i got called aside by a man
with a van dyke wearing a bolero
who told me that a first checking account
was an important thing
it wasn’t my place to argue with him
he looked down at the forms i’d hastily filled out
and started muttering my name
john john john john john
i thought maybe i’d have to call the old man over
so we could handle this guy
but then he looked up and said
don’t mind me, i make it a point to memorize
all our clients names
which was his thing
like itchy balls were becoming my thing
and going to college and becoming an adult
when van dyke bolero handed me
a stack of blank checks
to be honest, the whole thing was anti-climatic
they didn’t even have my name or address on them yet
i didn’t even have money to buy anything with a check
van dyke bolero shook my hand
like i was entering into some secret club
full of checking accounts and savings accounts and cds
lines full of the walking dead
a newly minted adult
i wanted to scratch my balls right there as a celebration
but i held out the whole ride home
until i got back to that bathroom
where running the hot water steamed up everything
and i got lost in youthful revelry
scratching and scratching and scratching like an addict
watching my one red testicle bobbing in the water
as the stiches sizzled and floated away like little blue worms
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