poem of the day 01.16.14

the tale of the homeless man

with the four foot penis

once upon a time

he got on an afternoon D train and declared

ladies and gentlemen, i am homeless

if you’ve got any spare change i’ll take it

if you need spare change i’ll give it

god bless america!

he seemed a very altruistic homeless man

but when the first man he approached

a white man playing on his smartphone

wouldn’t give him any money

the homeless man turned to the black girl

standing next to him and said

i don’t take money from no white motherfuckers anyway

which was good for me because i

also being of white motherfucker decent

could keep the two-dollars

that i was going to give this homeless man

and instead spend it on a can of beer

or some other sort of white motherfuckery thing

the black girl standing next to the homeless man

said, sir, i believe you’re being rude

to which the homeless man stopped short

and gave a thoughtful glance up and down the train

before telling the girl

fuck you, dyke

i’ve got a four foot penis and if you don’t watch it

i’m liable to ram that shit in you hard

to which the girl responded, yeah right, faggot

i don’t think anyone else on the D train

believed this man’s tall tale either

many others rolled their eyes

white and black motherfuckers snickered throughout the train

the man next to me texted his friend

4 ft penis my ass

an old woman gasped and shook her head at me

as if i’d said it

i wasn’t sure what to think

a four foot penis wasn’t really possible

but it wasn’t improbable

i was just coming from a meeting about the homeless

i had a lot of useful information on me

but none of it told me what to do if the homeless had

a four foot prick

but if this homeless man truly had a four foot penis

what was he doing being homeless?

riding on the D train in the middle of the afternoon?

why wasn’t he rich and famous from doing porn?

i was sure someone could’ve found him the woman

with the gaping vagina by now

or the man with a craterous asshole

with a four foot penis that homeless man could bat clean up

in any batting order in any league

he could catapult orange construction cones and small children

in a single bound

he could pogo through the streets of manhattan

take his talent on the road

become the next youtube sensation

settle global conflicts by whipping it out

but instead he was here with us

with the blacks and the yellows and the reds

and all of us white motherfuckers

glaring at the girl standing next to him

asking that eternal question

who you callin’ a faggot, bitch?