poem of the day 08.01.16

if i remember

if i remember

what book it was that i was reading

that can symbolize a good night

or what movie

what tv show my wife and i were binge watching

call it a success

then it means the drink

hasn’t gotten to me too much

a rabbit hole i have yet to fall down completely

although i’m always dangling over

that soused ring of hell

if i remember

what we had for dinner

that the door is locked

the oven off and the windows closed

the goddamned lights off

then i can rest easy in bed

with the scent of vodka and wine

lulling me to sleep

subtly underneath the mint of toothpaste

if i remember

what it was i was thinking about

proust or maybe a nude actress

music my wife and i were obsessing over

if we fed the cat

gave her the meds that she needs

to keep her alive and crying and shitting on the floor

and slipping us slowly into madness

then i’m solid

no rehab ala amy winehouse for me

no intervention with the folks and old friends

just another round on the house

if i remember that we did not fight

that peace has reigned

or if i can recall the argument

point by point by illogical point that i made

then it’s all good in the hood over here

if i remember

that i didn’t not shout out the window at neighbors

at people sitting in cars texting and blasting bass

that there is art in this world

away from all the bloodshed and strife

and noise and disease

the violent malaise this country

is perpetually caught under

that there is beauty

that i have yet to discover

what does it matter

if i lay bleary in the dark after doing the damage

eyes wide open and booze-soaked

my wife asleep on my chest

me trying to make out the figures

of inanimate objects in our room

like celestial bodies

hiding beneath the pink night of city skies

if i remember

that i am human

that i will die soon

that everything in this world that i truly care about

will one day turn to dust

or just be gone

then what is there to fear?

hangovers and jobs?

thermonuclear explosions in the sky?

surely not this blank page staring back at me

6:10 in the morning

waiting to be filled with words

that are harder to find the more i age

that i have stuck somewhere in my back pages

blocked back like a clogged sink

or

if only i remember

what they are.