percy shelley never
did this
i’m sure at first
the doctor thought that it might be a v.d.
the way he asked me what it was
that i’d been up to down there at the beach
i was eighteen and in massive testicular pain
but i still felt suave and virile at the suggestion
i wasn’t a complete eyesore i hope you know
but alas i’d come home a wounded soldier and a virgin
the only action i’d gotten down there
was madeline kahn’s cleavage in young frankenstein
as i rolled around on a dirty couch in agony
wondering what in the hell was wrong with my nuts
while my friends slept soundly in their beds
dreaming the kind of ass they’d try and get the next day
or maybe a vein is twisted, doctor feelgood said
it happens to some guys your age
a little procedure and you’ll be good as new
i didn’t like the word procedure
it was an old person’s word
and i felt ungainly and impotent at the very idea
but he put me under anyway
and they had the devil’s time trying to wake me back up
i could feel their slaps, the tugging on the eyelids
john…john…john….until i drifted out again
when i finally came to
it was only me and the parents in the recovery room
took your one testicle, the old man said
like it was matter of fact
and i felt sickened and emasculated at the notion
but you can still have kids, my mom added hopefully
you know, with the other one
like that was some kind of comfort
like half a set of balls were being chopped off all the time
i wanted to spring from the bed and get the hell out of
there
just in case they started removing other body parts
the butchers
but i was still too doped up and sore to flee
as my parents talked to me
about treatment and the nice weather we were having
i laid there trying to think about sunsets and sand
the soft curves of tanned flesh
instead of doctor frankenstein somewhere in the hospital
tossing away a suddenly useless body part
from this new monster that he’d created. 
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