poem of the day 05.05.10

lucid

last night i had
the worst dream
that you were gone

i knew you were going

you told me as much

but you had
no reason for leaving

just gone

i suddenly found myself
in my old city without you
as if you’d been removed
from my life

cleanly severed
except for the memories

the loneliness
was just the worst
like i’d never experienced
in my waking hours

there was no one to ask about you

nowhere to go

everything was as ugly as it used to be
everyone as gray and miserable

i kept thinking
that maybe you’d come back

i held out hope

hope and loneliness

i thought this is the stuff that makes a weaker man
turn toward god or politics or both

but i just wanted you back
i wanted to go home

the next time i saw you
it was outside of my old high school

who knows why?

the revolting building
standing as a barrier between us

when i got to you i could almost taste the joy
but your face was so sad

you said
remember if i came back to you
that it would mean bad news

i said, no baby

then you breathed in
started to tell me
that our marriage was over

but i wouldn’t let you

i woke up into the periwinkle of dawn instead

with the cats crying for food and mercy
you slightly snoring next to me
and about a million things
that i wanted to tell you

good stuff that i’ve been holding on to
for what seemed like a thousand
wasted years.