Tuesday, November 27, 2012

poem of the day 11.27.12

age 20

i was a late bloomer

i had my first girlfriend
after a lifelong drought

she lived thirty miles away
and because i had no ambition
still lived with my parents
still drove their car and ate their food

and still lived by their rules when i didn’t have to

every chance to see her
became a battle royal over gas money and authority

one summer week
her parents went away
to visit her older sister in ohio

i stayed with the girlfriend
because she was scared to be alone

and we fucked all over her house
soiling her carpets and her parent’s bed with hungry sweat

drinking like bacchus and making food

walking around naked
watching o.j. simpson race for his life
down los angeles freeways

and on days that i worked
she drove me into the city for my library job
like we were a cute little married couple

later we’d go back to her parent’s place
for more food and more sex
more playacting away from the world

it was an eye-opening time in my life
a confusion that i never knew was so good

until my mother found out
that we’d be alone all week

she read me the riot act over the phone
made me drag ass home for a proper dressing down

and the girlfriend didn’t understand
even though she was in the same situation as me

we went from fucking fiends
to arguing all over her house

that week between us wiped away by our own chains
two dumb kids too scared to know the power that truly wielded

but the one thing that i remember about that week
above the sweat and debauchery
and the misery of family and love

was her friend’s white convertible

driving down suburban highways
with the roof open and the air breezing in

making waves with my hands under blue horizons
as i was being driven home toward my fate

for a moment feeling so full of hope and youth
feeling so goddamned free
that i couldn’t help but smile like a dumb fool
when there was no reason to

that poor girl sitting next to me
holding my hand

thinking that it was her that was making me so happy

when it was everything

everything else in the world
that was still coming to me

once i figured out how to shake
all of these people off of my back
and really learn how to live.