to catch a thief
who’s eighty years-old
and can barely see at this point
can be challenging
especially when he’s there first
thing in the morning
to pilfer your paperback books
and dvds
it means you can forget the
saturday times
and the cup of coffee you so
desperately wanted
the one that’s helping to quell
the hangover
the sore feet that hurt from
walking five miles
in shitty boots with holes on the
bottom of each one
the freeze of the december air
that has you shivering right down
to your bones
it means you can forgo dignity
and pride
so that you can muscle up real
close on the old man
while he’s scanning the goods
farting and wheezing when he
bends
as you stand there like the long
arm of the law
like a mall cop in a trinket
store full of teenagers
protecting what isn’t even yours
in the first place
a true centurion of american
commerce
making like you are fixing rows
of dvds
or selecting books for display
simply doing your job
all the while keeping an eye on
this old man
as he takes dvd after dvd off the
shelf
and puts them in tall piles like
he’s building levees
this isn’t what you want to be
doing on a saturday morning
this isn’t how the job was sold
to you
you think you’d rather be in bed
with the wife
post-coital from a morning quickie
with the newspaper spread over
the sheets
and the whole day in front of you
like a banquet
rather than hoping this old fart
doesn’t steal
another bogart or paul newman
film
and that you don’t have to tackle
his ass and call 911
but life is what it is
some people have it much worse
than you do
and you realize this
at the very least your holidays
are paid for
which is why you stand there like
a secret spy
trying to figure out what you
want to eat for lunch
counting the stacked dvds over
and over
wondering if the old man slipped one
in the back of his sweatpants
like he did last week
when you turned your back for a
second
figuring a cool cup of coffee
should be enough
to cancel out the headache
thinking that quick pull on
donkey this morning
was kind of like making love
that there will still be a few
hours left in the day
when this is all over
and that the new york times will
still be there
after the old man takes what he
wants and flees
because the world makes news
every second of the day
and it’s always the same
nothing ever changes.
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