Saturday, June 17, 2017

WineDrunk SideWalk: Shipwrecked in TrumpLand week TWENTY ONE wrap up

First and foremost this week began with the sad anniversary of the Pulse Orlando shooting in which 49 people lost their lives. All shootings are hard but this one, coming as it did during pride month had an extra bite. My heart is with everyone who lost someone they loved to that violence. We owe you all a better world.

Let’s do this, my kittens….

Instead of starting directly with DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER let’s start with his terrible spawn shall we? I’ve got a serious bone to pick with Ivanka. First off, her being lifted up as a prime example of Jewish excellence is revolting. Not when we have so many amazing choices. Like this:

Or this

This is Bella Abzug who was the first Jewish congresswoman and seriously, check her out because she did some amazing things including fight human garbage person Phyllis Schlafly.

But no. Instead Ivanka is out there whining about how mean everyone is being to her dad. No joke, this woman is a piece of work. As the spawn of the leader of the birther movement, as the child of the pussy grabber, as the daughter of the vile creator of the Muslim ban she has an incredibly weak grasp on the definition of vicious.

Speaking of Muslim ban, the 9th circuit ruled against DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER’s revised travel ban. For those at home counting, this makes two court rulings. The man can't get anything passed but he can certainly get them to fail.

Onto more shenanigans, the fine folks at Shakespeare in the Park had a doozy of a week with Delta, Bank of America and American Express pulling funding because the Julius Caesar production includes a rather DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER-looking Julius who of course befalls his known fate of being stabbed to death. *gasps and clutches pearls*

People at Delta, Bank of American and American Express….have you not read Shakespeare? The entire play is about an assassination being a terrible idea. Killing Caesar does not save Rome, in fact, it does the opposite. Seriously. Quit your gasping. Put down your pearls. You just look like you’ve never picked up a book now.

What else happened, kittens? Oh right. The Conservative news fallout from the Comey investigation basically boiled down to calling him a Sissy Girl. Laura Ingraham called him a “drama queen” and then asserted that “men should not write like this.” Like what Laura? In complete sentences? I know covfefe is more up your alley but still. Sad!

Also newsflash that kind of stuff is called Toxic Masculinity – that thing the eggs on Twitter keep telling me doesn’t exist. Okay boys. Sure. 

While we’re on the subject of the news media, let’s not forget that Alex Jones, of “pizza gate” infamy, Alex Jones, the denier of Sandy Hook, Alex Jones one of the most despicable worms to have ever climbed out of the shit heap is going to be interviewed on NBC by Megyn Kelly because WHY THE FUCK NOT? Why not give a voice to moronic conspiracy peddlers on legit news stations. And fuck Megyn Kelly forever for being a part of this. "But Ally, Megyn was sexually harassed at her job. Woman solidarity, right?" Yes, I know. I’m capable of thinking that’s abhorrent and still thinking she’s a nightmare person poisoning an already poisoned room at the same time. It’s higher level thinking.

And while I’m at it, I’d also like to toss a few fuck yous over to the New York Times for publishing a regular column called “Say Something Nice About Trump.”

Yeah, thanks guys. You’re a giant help with this nonsense.  Also can someone please explain to me how Frank “Captain Obvious” Bruni still has a job?

And while all this was happening, our favorite unshelled turtle Mitch McConnell invoked Rule 14, fast-tracking the repeal of ObamaCare because why not? Mitch loves American so much. Especially dead ones, I guess. 

And while cabinet meetings have devolved into praise sessions extolling DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER's virtues *gag* DC and Maryland are suing the president. Yes. You read that right. He already can't go to the UK so I guess he's just gonna have to stay locked up in the White House.

And that my friends, was only Monday.

Because TUESDAY was Sessions Day. *fireworks exploding*

That’s right, the one, the only Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III sauntered his tight racist ass into that court room (late mind you) like he was a little king of bigotry.

There was much to report of course, continuous lying, denials, his getting all kerfuffled when a Black woman had him shaking in his boots (Love ya, Kamala! Call me!) though thankfully poor Jeff found his boys. Tip of the hat to Comrade Cotton who found time to make jokes about Bond movies. Democracy is dying, ha ha ha! What could be funnier?  Then Jeff refused to answer questions about whether he talked to Trump about Comey, whether he met with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak two or three times, then babbled about executive privileges that DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER did not invoke and called an idea that he colluded with Russians a no good lie, I tell you! A NO GOOD LIE!

Or if all of this is too much, here’s the short version:
And while that was going on DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER spent some time eating cookie dough and watching Fox News and decided that maybe he should  fire Mueller and end this thing one and for all. Then someone in the room made a Nixon joke, DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER didn’t get it, tweeted some nonsense, burped and fell asleep. True story.
It’s Wednesday kittens! We’re only halfway through the week! *laughs hysterically until she collapses*

And this one begins with a shooting. Because this is America and it’s a big part of what we seem to do around here. Fun fact: 93 Americans are shot and killed every day. It’s a horrible thing what happened in Alexandria (and San Francisco and Brooklyn. It was a busy day for gun lovers in America). The gunman is dead. And the big question for me is will the GOP now, finally, do something about gun control. Because it is their legislation that makes it easy for men like this to have access to guns. My hope is, of course, that the congressman recovers and then spends his career working on gun safety laws. Whether or not this will happen remains to be seen.
Doubtful. I feel like there are some lines that cannot be uncrossed and Sandy Hook was one of them. The day our government decided it was okay for children to get shot is the day that any hope of change died for me.
These shootings and these deaths destroy lives. Both the ones they take and the ones that get left behind. No one gets out of this unscathed. If you have the cash, support a good cause.
And, this is important, in what should be no surprise to anyone the shooter had a history of violence against women.

Let me make this as clear as possible.

Gun. Violence. Is. A. Women’s. Issue.

Every. Shooter. Has. A. History. Of. Violence. Against. Women.

Next we found out that DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER is being investigated by Mueller for possible obstruction of justice so that’s FUN.
And the Dems, always scrabbling to do something are now suing Trump for violating the constitution by profiting from business dealings with foreign governments. How many Dems are suing you ask? Over 200. Which is a record breaker. While they’re doing that, Trump is sending more troops to Afghanistan because perpetual war is the order of the day. And back here in the good old USA, no states support the health care bill. Zero. Speaking of support, Trump’s job DISAPPROVAL rating is now at 60%. Cue the winning.

And Thursday came...(is this bloody week over yet or what? Who needs a drink?)

Trump cancelled protections for sea turtles and whales because he is officially becoming a cartoon villain. Meanwhile lobbyist Richard Burt told the Guardian that Jeff Sessions was a big fat stinky liar pants when he said he didn’t meet with the Russians because Burt was THERE. And lest we forget while all this is going on and DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER is tweeting about the Witch Hunt (eye roll) the GOP is still trying desperately to take away your health care. Their own bill, the Just Go and Die Already Americans Bill, is being ferreted around Washington yet amazingly no one seems to have seen it. Dems are demanding the GOP coughs it up but they’re being all secretive twirling their moustaches Snidely Whiplash style and what not. No hearing in sight. Get your Go Fund Me page ready before you see the doctor this year.
Even business CEO’s are giving DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER a big fat F for his presidency. This is how we’re making it great, huh kittens? This is all the winning?
Right. Bigly.

We're all still calling our reps right? Right???

And lo and behold we are finally at the end of this week. It was long, wasn’t it kittens? And on this final day, DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER has finally admitted that he is under investigation in regards to cavorting with the Russians. I would love to say that this brings me satisfaction, but honestly I’m too weary to even care what he’s tweeting at 3 am.
So in our weariness, I have one small bit of good news for you. DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER is not going to deport the Dreamers like he threatened to do during his campaign. Nice right? Enjoy it cause then there’s this: Instead he’s going to deport their parents because why the fuck not?
In the meantime Mike “I Hate Women” Pence is lawyering up! The formal word is that he’s doing this to underscore his desire to fully cooperate in the Russian probe.  *laughs hysterically*

We see you running, Mike. We see you.

(Also apparently Trump’s lawyer is lawyering up too!) I’m just picturing this:

Lawyers and Turtles all the way down! 

And it's for the best considering DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER'S transition team was ordered to keep all documents and materials in related to Russian interference. 

I gotta say, I think DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER is gonna look good in orange. Matches his thin skin.

Then DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER decided to roll back Obama’s work in regard to Cuba crushing any entrepreneurial ventures that had begun. Because if you can squash people’s dreams in other countries, DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER is all in for that. He claimed that cutting off dollars going to the regime will help the people. Unfortunately the people recognize a failed policy when it falls dead on their doorsteps.
DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER got super busy today and aside from telling Cuba to fuck off, he also hired someone to run the HUD offices in New York and New Jersey and lo and behold it’s someone with ZERO qualifications! Lynne Patton who will oversee billions of federal dollars also planned Ivanka and Jared’s wedding! I literally cannot make this up. We shouldn’t be surprised since he made his fucking caddie the Director of Social Media and his bodyguard hand delivered Comey’s dismissal papers.

I just found out that Philando Castile's murder is walking. I shouldn't be surprised. I know that. I know where I live. I understand who white supremacy works (even when it uses other races to do its murdering) but holy fucking shit I really thought this one, this ONE, would happen. This one with the facebook feed. This one with that baby girl in the back seat. Just this one fucking time.

This country sickens me. As I said in the beginning, we owe you a better world.

Fuck, I don’t want to end this like this so I gonna try and find some balance. So read this piece by Rebecca Solnit because there are a lot of people out there fighting the good fight. Resisting. Dedicating their life to this. Putting their bodies in the fight. It is with them that we stand. Never forget that:

Remember this is our future to shape. Not theirs. 

So that’s it. That’s week 21. 

There is a lesson here, kittens, and it is an important one. I just started watching Hulu’s The Handmaid’s Tale and while the entire show is filled with terrifyingly real depictions of a world I should not be living in but fear that I will be, there was one in particular that stood out.
In the scene, a woman named Lydia is talking to the newly captured Handmaids who are naturally quite terrified and she offers this, a line lifted directly from Margaret Atwood’s book:

"I know this must feel very strange. But ordinary is just what you're use to. This may not seem ordinary to you right now but after a time it will. This will be ordinary."

And there is it. That is how it all changes. We can laugh at DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER and roll our eyes at depictions of him in comedy shows but we most always know we are treading a very narrow wire over an un-ending chasm. We cannot fall, kittens. We must keep our eyes open. We must protect those amongst us most in danger. We must speak out. We must persist.

Ever vigilant.

Until next time, remember….Chins up, kittens. Claws OUT.

Next up at 10:30 we’ve got Alan Catlin and tomorrow at the same time is Jason Baldinger.


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