Monday, August 4, 2008

my body is writing the checks

i've been sore for 2 straight days now. see, i live in new york city, and in new york city we walk everywhere. we walk to the train station. we walk to restaurants. we walk to bars. we walk to grocery stores, and then carry our groceries home. my wife was gone this weekend which meant that it was my duty to carry the groceries home. so i went in the grocery store. never go in the grocery store hungry. you buy too many things. i bought too many things, and by the time i got home (10 blocks) both of my arms felt out of their sockets, and my chest was sore across.

but, see, i'm a tough guy. i went out the next morning. i went back to the grocery store. the apartment was a mess and i decided to clean it. it took me $40 in cleaning supplies to get what i needed. the bags were heavy again. i should've brought the two big "green" bags we have at home, but something about "going green" still makes me feel a little strange. like why am i in stores with bags when they give me bags for free. i feel like i'm taking away a major part of the purchase by not having the bag to carry it home in. anyway, the cleaning supplies made the 10 blocks with me. my arms were already sore. now i don't want to lift them.

it wasn't just the bags and walking. i cleaned. it rained on saturday, so i spent from the hours of 9 a.m to 2 p.m. picking up mounds of random writing, clothes, scrubbing the kitchen, scrubbing the bathroom, the months of shit and piss in the can, the mold in the tub, the sauce and dried vegetables on the kitchen floor, the class and aluminum city of wine, scotch, and beer containers. i put on Springsteen and drank scotch and waters, and cleaned for 5 straight hours. i even scrubbed the dried patches of cat vomit off the hardwood floor. 5 hours. and when i was done the place was just mediocre. i'm going back to living in filth. it's easier. plus, the fucking cats vomitted all over the place saturday night, like a couple of romans.

well, i'm officially sick of being a Pittsburgh Pirates fan. It took me 15 seasons of losing, but this year's fire sale did me in. Marte. Nady. Bay. need i say more. i wish i liked the Steelers, so i could just bag baseball and watch football and root for someone from Pittsburgh. forget the Penguins. i'm surprised hockey is still a pro sport. maybe i'll try soccer, or i'll go and watch those people have eating contests. i wonder if those guys still make those bum fight dvds.

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