Thursday, January 16, 2014

poem of the day 01.16.14

the tale of the homeless man
with the four foot penis

once upon a time
he got on an afternoon D train and declared

ladies and gentlemen, i am homeless
if you’ve got any spare change i’ll take it
if you need spare change i’ll give it
god bless america!

he seemed a very altruistic homeless man

but when the first man he approached
a white man playing on his smartphone
wouldn’t give him any money

the homeless man turned to the black girl
standing next to him and said

i don’t take money from no white motherfuckers anyway

which was good for me because i
also being of white motherfucker decent
could keep the two-dollars
that i was going to give this homeless man
and instead spend it on a can of beer
or some other sort of white motherfuckery thing

the black girl standing next to the homeless man
said, sir, i believe you’re being rude

to which the homeless man stopped short
and gave a thoughtful glance up and down the train
before telling the girl

fuck you, dyke
i’ve got a four foot penis and if you don’t watch it
i’m liable to ram that shit in you hard

to which the girl responded, yeah right, faggot

i don’t think anyone else on the D train
believed this man’s tall tale either

many others rolled their eyes
white and black motherfuckers snickered throughout the train

the man next to me texted his friend
4 ft penis my ass

an old woman gasped and shook her head at me
as if i’d said it

i wasn’t sure what to think
a four foot penis wasn’t really possible
but it wasn’t improbable

i was just coming from a meeting about the homeless
i had a lot of useful information on me
but none of it told me what to do if the homeless had
a four foot prick

but if this homeless man truly had a four foot penis
what was he doing being homeless?
riding on the D train in the middle of the afternoon?
why wasn’t he rich and famous from doing porn?

i was sure someone could’ve found him the woman
with the gaping vagina by now
or the man with a craterous asshole

with a four foot penis that homeless man could bat clean up
in any batting order in any league

he could catapult orange construction cones and small children
in a single bound

he could pogo through the streets of manhattan
take his talent on the road
become the next youtube sensation

settle global conflicts by whipping it out

but instead he was here with us
with the blacks and the yellows and the reds
and all of us white motherfuckers

glaring at the girl standing next to him
asking that eternal question

who you callin’ a faggot, bitch?                         

No comments: