First....thank you to Jason Baldinger for stepping in and doing the week THIRTY THREE duties...Jason and I had a chance to see each other in NYC over the last weekend, and both sort of admitted that doing these weekly wrap-ups leaves your mind and soul akin to someone battling harsh DT's by the end of the week....still...we march on.
As of this writing at least 26 people in the U.S. are dead as a result of Hurricane Irma and there are 27 reported deaths in the Caribbean; there's food violence in the Caribbean; the Keys are in shambles....hell...man Disney is even closed ...still....according to walking skeleton, Ann Coulter, the Hurricane amounted to nothing but boredom. Well, Ann, I'm sorry that 50+ deaths are not enough to satisfy you...maybe next time lay on the beach as the hurricane winds pick up and finger-fuck yourself while thinking about Trump's baby-dick...just a suggestion...or, you know, donate and help you fucking devil.
Speaking of Devil's.....Steve Bannon emerged from his D.C. hovel to sit down for an interview with 60 Minutes...boy, Bannon is so full of his own shit he probably can't tell the difference between the smell of his breath and that of his asshole. Still, some of the highlights: Bannon accused the GOP and its leadership of trying to nullify DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER'S election win by not jumping aboard his so-called "populist train and embracing all of DOUCHE's ludicrous ideas. He called the Comey firing a big mistake; he's at war with the GOP; once DOUCHE builds his wall he'll win the 2020 election in a landslide....blah blah blah...that kind of bullshit. If you really want to watch this moron talk his sorry ass game, you can do so HERE ...but be warned...i lost IQ points doing so.
Look...ordinarily i'd LOVE to see someone go to war against the GOP....shitheads like Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan have been ASKING for it.....but a neo-nazi, white supremacist? I'd rather read Charles Blow. Still...i'd love for Bannon to be right about one thing....i'd love to see a Civil War in the GOP.. ..i'd love to see that whole, stinking, rotting, Domestic Terrorist party fall to its fucking knees and be done.....let's make America great again by having actual fucking adults run the country.
And maybe we'll get it.... DOUCHE, finding no way to stretch those world "famous" negotiating legs with his own crooked party, reached across the continental divide to cut a few deals with the Democrats this week. First DOUCHE agreed to a budget/debt ceiling extension in a deal done with Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi, which included hurricane relief money. Second, this brand new dream team of DOUCHE/Schumer/Pelosi have apparently agreed on a deal to turn DACA into law all the while strengthening our border by putting duct tape or whatever along that already existing fence so that DOUCHE and his supporters can keep yapping about a wall at his next Nazi rally.
FIRST.......if I'm Chuck Schumer and/or Nancy Pelosi....why am i making any FUCKING DEAL with this racist nazi shit-wad? Look, I'm not fan of stagnant government and i really wish the DACA executive order stayed but Trump has never been welcomed by the GOP, they've resisted him in that spineless GOP way the whole time, he's been essentially marginalized and made a lame duck before his first year is out....and then you democratic fucks go and legitimize him to an extent? And i don't care about your motives....maybe it looks good to have the grand wizard brought to his knees making deals, maybe you honestly believe that working with this rapist is what's best for the country and for the so-called Dreamers....maybe you got drunk, Chuck and Nancy, and Trump looked good under a certain light....all the same...i'm not buying it. You lied down with a racist, rapist, xenophobic dog twice this week...this shit will come back and bite you both in your geriatric asses.
Anyone seen those pictures of DOUCHE down in Florida wearing his Wal-Mart USA hat and white gloves and pretending to be the common man.....pretty scary stuff. The poor orange bastard looked like he was confused and trying to figure out where the nearest golf course was.....like....me Trump...why me in Florida and no play golf??? I mean, seriously.....look at this asshole:
What a motley crew of D-bags we have. We got POTUS46 who can't stand near women because he's scared of them, but has obviously been practicing his super hero pose. Of course there's DOUCHE making DOUCHE faces because he can't control himself. We've got trophy wife #3 who looks more uncomfortable in casual wear each time we see her....i can only imagine the conversations....Melanoma probably wishes for hurricane season to end more than people living in the gulf....but i digress....then we've got random woman, whom I'm assuming is there to keep Pence nervous....and is that......is that Rick Scott?? The old climate changing Governor himself? Nothing says getting shit done like this picture....USA! USA! USA!
Of course DOUCHE did find the time in Florida to further entrench himself in his racist rhetoric by once again comparing Antifa folks with Neo-Nazis. I'm curious how far the coffee was spit out of Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi's mouths when they heard that one.
*I have no clue why Ted Cruz and Porn have been linked this week as I didn't bother to look into it. That said any mention of Ted Cruz and porn in the same sentence does nothing but give porn a bad name*
...actually want to give yourself shutters? Think back to last spring when we were honestly debating whether or not Ted Cruz would be a better choice over DOUCHE for the GOP nominee....seriously...like how would you like your poison sir? fucking america....you've had it wrong since 1776.
Speaking of getting it wrong...Hillary Clinton was back in the news this week. On Tuesday her memoir of the 2016 campaign, What Happened? was released to fanfare and controversy and was potent enough to get this ASSHOLE thrown into jail. I haven't been reading much about the book because I want to keep it a surprise and not ruin the ending for myself, but I've heard that DOUCHE is none too pleased, and that the other side of his snake oil salesman con artist coin, Bernie Sanders is none too pleased....sounds liked good reading to me.
but...you know...emails, baby.....emails......
You know...i voted for Bernie Sanders in the 2016 primary....actually that's untrue. I attempted to vote for Bernie Sanders but i wasn't fully registered yet as a Democrat so my vote didn't count....that said, i regret the decision. I can accuse Trump voters all i want about being taken in by bullshit and lies and empty promises...but for a while I was taken in the very same way. Bernie Sanders, and subsequently the sycophant-zealots who helped divide the democratic party and get Donald Trump elected, are no better than those fat, lazy, inbred swine who attend DOUCHE rallies and chant shit like "lock her up!" They didn't want to do what was right for the country. Sanders supporters like the rest of us saw the dangers in a Trump White House and still acted like precious little snowflakes whose vote was a virginal gift at the altar....seeing these people online....they've since doubled-down. You Democrats think 2018 and 2020 is your year? Talk to Sanders supporter. Go get a moca-choca-latte with a Bernie bro and see how far we have yet to go.
To be honest....i think the thing that irks me most about Trump/Sanders zealots is their desire to be led. America has too many people willing to be led and too few honest leaders. Maybe I'm the defect. But I've never had a favorite boss, teacher etc......and I've never been a particular fan of voting for politicians. I've been around since Nixon. I came of age during Reagan. The only president that I can honestly say that I liked was Obama. I don't believe I'll see another descent U.S. president in my lifetime. But I did get to see this.....
When he wasn't dodging his duties of office by making a call of condolence to the president of MEXICO or tweeting away terrorism in LONDON by calling out Scotland Yard and calling terrorists losers, or even basking in the glow of disenfranchising the dreams of hundreds of thousands of hopeful would-be productive one-day citizens, DOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER, on Friday, proved to be loyal to that race of his own. That's right, little Johnny Appleseed out of Whitebread, Virginia, got to fulfill a lifelong dream of mowing the White House lawn as the Grand Wizard himself looked on.....how nice....it's so hard for white males to find work in America these days.
It was reported this week that Jeffy "the racist" Sessions was humiliated by being berated and called names by an angry DOUCHE, and offered up his resignation as Attorney General. Yeah, I'm with you on this one Jeffy (a bit of a self plug for my novel Wine Clerk here as I've also been subject to this kind of crap by small men....if you want to review the book I'd happily send you a copy for free). You might be a racist piece of shit, Jeffy, but i'd be humiliated too if a small-pricked, nazi philistine like Donald Trump called me names. But consider yourself lucky, Jeffy...you're a man. And we all know what Mr. Wife-rapist, sexual assaulting, "grab 'em by the pussy" Donald Trump does to women when he gets them alone behind closed doors.
That's it for me.....lots of shit I missed....like that little bitch in North Korea shooting off his missiles or what a punch of fucking cowards the folks at Harvard are for bowing down to plastic patriots like Mike Pompeo. We LOVE you here at WineDrunk Chelsea.
Anyway....stick around. Since no one reads this shit on the weekend you got me at 10:30. Tomorrow is the always awesome Thomas R. Thomas at the same time tomorrow.
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