Saturday, July 8, 2017

WineDrunk SideWalk: ShipWrecked in TrumpLand week TWENTY FOUR wrap up

Hello kittens.
It’s Ally again being a terrible nuisance.

Let’s start with some good news, shall we?
On Monday the courts blocked the EPA and all around scumbag Pruitt from suspending an Obama-era rule to restrict methane emissions from new oil and gas wells. Thank heaven for a functioning court system as they are currently the only thing keeping us from careening over the edge.
Of course on a statewide level the country is still a hot mess. Maine has shut down non-essential offices, Illinois is on the brink of a serious credit downgrade. New Jersey shut down all the parks and beaches – during a heat wave – and then Chris Christie, ass kisser extraordinaire, managed to get himself photographed on the private beaches. Nice. Stay classy, Chris. In better state news, basically all of them responded to DOUCHE’s request for voter information (including names, addresses, dates of birth, political party affiliation, voting history, criminal record, military status and the las four digits of their social security) with a hot “Fuck off.” This includes Republican controlled states like Mississippi whose secretary of state Delbert Hoseman said they “can go jump in the Gulf of Mexico.”

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT mess with a Delbert.

States are also pulling their heads out of their asses and working to improve lives. Basically all the stuff that DOUCHE said he would do but isn’t cause all he does is play golf in a diaper.

Then it was the Fourth of July. Rather bitter one this year, what with such a divided country but I will say this. I have always used the Fourth of July to reflect on what my country is and isn’t. To criticize it, hold it accountable and demand that it do better. I am, in that way, very much a patriot. Because of DOUCHE nearly everything weighed down in the “what we aren’t” category and because my mind was heavy I was delighted to learn, that it was also Malia Obama’s birthday.

Happy Birthday baby girl. We miss your dad. Tell him to call.

NPR celebrated the Fourth by tweeting the Declaration of Independence which a handful of Trump supporters took as an attack on their president and they did what everyone on twitter does – they responded without context. Needless to say the internet had a good time. This never ending mockery of course lead to the next obvious outcome. The DEFENSE of the Trump supporter for stepping up and admitting they did something wrong. And this right here is where I have to draw the motherfucking line. Because honestly, we’re falling all over ourselves because a white dude admitted he was wrong on the internet. And you know why we’re shocked? Because white dudes NEVER admit they are wrong because they are never wrong. And they will harass a woman online, dox her, send death threats just to prove how goddamn right they are. But it’s cool. This Trump supporter gets it. Let’s all give him a hug.

It reminded me of this hot mess I read about how hard it is to be a white guy. I mean he actually wrote this:

"But these blanket condemnations are part of a very narrow and skewed reading of both history and current events. While it's certainly true that white men have started wars, participated in torture and committed rape, they/we have not cornered the market on evil behavior.  Idi Amin comes to mind. Pol Pot. Baby Doc Duvalier. Hirohito
Not to mention certain notorious female camp guards and serial killers."

Are you actually kidding me right now? Are. You. Fucking.  Kidding. Me.  I mean seriously.

Look, I have to live every minute of every day with the fact that 53% of white women voted for that sick DOUCHE. I have no choice. I have to own that. That is on ME to fix and I accept that responsibility so, listen white guys, while you’re sitting there whining that people aren’t being nice to you just remember your privilege comes at the cost of their actual lives.

Full stop.

I know you’re not used to feeling “uncomfortable” but too bad. My humanity and the humanity of people of color matters more than your feelings.

This is a really fantastic piece. If you only click on one link, make it this one by Damon Young from Very Smart Brothers.

And while the rest of us were scarfing down hot dogs and thinking about how hard it is to be a white dude, while pretending that everything wasn’t going to shit, North Korea confirmed that they fired a ballistic missile. Kim Jong-un called the missile a “gift” for the Fourth of July. The range of this missile was not enough to reach the continent but would allow it to reach Alaska.

In response DOUCHE put the screws to China saying they need to step in.

So yeah. He’s going to get us all killed. 

Hopefully between now and then we’ll make some headway in the Russian investigation. *Laughs until I die*

Speaking of investigators are digging into the Russian collusion with far-right pro-DOUCHE sites that posted over 1,000 fake news stories dissing Hillary. While encouraging, I hate to point out that most people already knew this and I fear if they don’t speed things up we’ll be talking about this in his second term. That will not abide. 

Recently the House Intelligence Committee has summoned Michael Cohen, one of DOUCHE’s hired hands, for questioning in its inquiry. He’s also under scrutiny by the FBI. Apparently he’s in cahoots with Kremlin officials and Russian spies which of course, he denied. SHOCKER! 

And there’s still the disastrous health care bill hanging around – you know – the one that wants to gut Medicaid and kill people or if not kill then make living so impossible they’d wish they were dead.  And ironically the Senate realized that women having access to birth control was a good thing (!)….unfortunately only women in the military. The rest of can look forward to forced motherhood. We already know what that looks like.

Regardless of how much they want to deny it the ACA worked. Was it perfect? No. Would single payer be better? Yes. We all know that. But what they are offering up to replace the ACA, the beloved Obamacare that, during it's tenure, you know, diagnosed more Stage 1 breast cancer than any other time is an abomination. And I won’t bore you with the details of how much of a difference being diagnosed at Stage 1 instead of Stage 2 is but trust me, I know what I’m talking about.

 Once again, thanks Barry. Call me. Seriously.  

In the meantime as everything continues to go to shit in Afghanistan DOUCHE still hasn’t filled in cabinet positions. He plans on dropping a couple more 1,000 troops to the nearly 9,000 already there, but we’ve got no one running the show. Even Rex can’t be bothered to swing by.

 Jeff Sessions cancelled his trip to Philly where he was going to demand that all Muslims be deported talk about sanctuary cities. No reason was given for the cancellation but I have some thoughts. Mainly that Philly sent a big old F U to ICE round ups threats. Good job Philly.

On Thursday DOUCHE went to Poland – because OF COURSE he and Duda are a perfect match of crazy. He ranted about trade deals which is hilarious since Poland is part of the EU but small facts like that don’t get in DOUCHE’s way. While there he yelled at clouds as old men are want to do and blathered on about how we’ll never know if other countries interfered in the election and how North Korea is in big trouble. He also talked about threats which we know are code for women, muslims, immigrants and facts. In order to make things look good, the government bussed in thousands to ensure a good crowd. In better news at the G20 summit in Hamburg there was a massive protest and the UK is already gearing up for their protest when DOUCHE waddles his fat ass over there. And after that, he’s going to see his boyfriend Putin where he will not confront him about the hacking thereby confirming that he’s a little chicken shit and we’ll have to look at Putin’s smug ass face.

Apparently we still have some grown-ups in office in other countries and China stepped in to leverage Beijing as the biggest defender of multilateralism in the wake of anyone being at home in the White House. Speaking of no one being at home, that economic bump we were all waiting on apparently isn’t happening. Color me shocked. Maybe next month for those coal jobs, boys.

And then we found out the head of the Office of Government Ethics is stepping down. And that’s never good news considering Schaub was one of the most vocal opponents to DOUCHE. He’s stepping down six months early without any real solid reason and of course that means DOUCHE can appoint whoever he wants. So basically the ship is sinking slightly faster now.

Speaking of sinking ships 18 states are suing Betsy Devos because they claim she broke federal law and gave free reign to for-profit schools by rescinding the Borrower Defense Rule. What’s the Borrower Defense Rule, kittens? Well I’m glad you asked. The Borrower Defense Rule was adopted by our dad, Obama, to make it easier for students enrolled in fraudulent colleges to get their loans forgiven. Basically if you’re a trash school selling a bogus degree and you bilk some kids for $50K their life isn’t completely ruined. Devos in true snake oil salesman style claimed it was just a “reset” but we all know this beetch has been since day one with for-profit school executives at the expense of families and students.

It’s Friday and all I want to talk about is the extra track on 4:44 with Blue Ivy rapping but I can’t because DOUCHE and Putin met for the first time. That we know of. Not gonna lie this was probably the first time DOUCHE looked like he was enjoy his job. Donny was all smiles for this match up. Regardless of the outcome it’s safe to say it’s a win for Russia. DOUCHE is going to look weak and that’s exactly what Vlad wants. In order to distract attention from his disastrous leadership he spent the time tweeting that everyone at the G20 summit was talking about John Podesta. Sure they were. In response 100,000 protesters are expected to turn up for what they’re calling “Welcome to Hell.” Gotta love the Germans.

Apparently he did press the Russians about election meddling but I can’t help but feel that this was all carefully arranged. He needed to look like he gave a shit and wasn’t too weak and Putin needed to come out strong. This is like the shittest chess match ever. More importantly during those two hours you can’t help but wonder how many intel secrets that DOUCHE just dropped into Vlad’s lap.

At the same time, while DOUCHE apparently didn’t have a hotel in Germany (let’s just pause here to laugh shall we? Better. Moving on.) the White House made time to threaten CNN that if they keep reporting not nice things about DOUCHE the Justice Department will not approve the Time Warner AT&T merger. Time Warner is CNN’s parent company.

We are at peak petty here, kittens.

Then they started policing what women can wear. This is not a fucking drill. Women reporters were denied entrance to the Speaker's lobby because of wearing sleeveless dresses or shirts. This is Paul Ryan's fucking doing. Sometimes as much as I hate DOUCHE I so badly want Paul to go down and to have to sell used fucking cars in Wisconsin. (P.S. I stole that joke from John Grochalski) Never forget that policing what women wear is a means to control them. This is not a little thing. This is Gilead style shit.

Speaking of shit...…the GOP tried to shame Dems by calling them out on Twitter about not coming to an agreement on the Healthcare Bill. They even went after Hillary directly. This was a mistake. Because Hills did not come to play with these silly hoes.

Once again, good job electing DOUCHE America. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Until next time….remember kittens. Ever vigilant. Chins Up. Claws Out. 

Next up at 10:30 we've got....John Grochalski
and on Sunday......James Duncan

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