Saturday, March 17, 2018

WineDrunk SideWalk : ShipWrecked in TrumpLand week SIXTY wrap up

Hello Kittens.

Welcome to week 3 of Women’s History Month which sadly started off with day 417 under DOUCHE. And I do have some of the best bad news.

We got SO many submissions from all you amazing talented life-giving women out there that for the rest of the month we have to (at least) double up the posts. I want to make sure everyone gets their space, so kittens we have to share with our sisters. As I said this is the best bad news. I’m so proud of all of you and so thankful to everyone who has submitted. Women are leading the Revolution. I believe that fully. You deserve to have your voices heard and I love seeing you shine. I’m honored to have had the opportunity to give you that platform. You all make my heart full.

And because this is less a magazine and more of a protest art blog, I truly hope you ALL continue to #submit2resist well beyond March.

In the words of our Eternal Lord and Savior Beyoncé, “Who runs the world? Girls!”

Now let’s get started on this week, kittens.

According to White House officials, DOUCHE still intends to meet with special bad ass counsel Bob “the man” Mueller under oath. Miraculously the White House managed to find someone who, unlike Ms. Devos or DOUCHE, can string together a series of words into a coherent sentence: “There’s no intention, whatsoever to fire Robert Mueller, the special counsel, right now,” Raj Shah said. “We’ve been fully cooperative. We respect the process. We’re hoping it will come to a conclusion in the near future.”

I mean, that almost sounds legit. The “right now” is a touch unnerving as is the laughable “fully cooperative” and “respect the process” but I think we can all agree that “hoping for a conclusion in the near future” is literally what we’re all doing.

Save us Bob Mueller. You’re our only hope.

That said, it’s looking like the obstruction of justice part of the investigation is winding down but they’re going to delay releasing any information until the collusion and email hacking parts are finished. Rumor has it that the concern is that DOUCHE will feel the net tightening and others might not cooperate or he might try to end the investigation altogether.

While actual progress was being made by Bob, the House Intelligence Committee (there’s an oxymoron) ended its investigation saying there was no collusion between DOUCHE and Russia. This comes as no surprise as it was a Republican run investigation and the Republicans over the last 417 days have shown themselves to be a craven lot who did such a thorough job that they never bothered to meet with Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, Michael T. Flynn, or George Papadopoulos.

Looks like the Qatari government is not cooperating with Bob’s investigation. They chose not to provide information for fear of hurting their relationship with the DOUCHE administration. This includes information about Jared and the United Arab Emirates.
Moving onto Ivanka, turns out she made 1.5 million clams in 2015 from three companies affiliated with the DOUCHE organization, which, surprise, creates numerous potential conflicts of interest that are, double surprise, ILLEGAL.

I have to tell you, kittens, the desire I have to see this entire family locked up is reached epic proportions. I might need a lie down. Or a double vodka. Probably both.
In light of the Parkland shooting (what number are we up to now kittens? Do we even remember?) DOUCHE has walked back talks about raising the age limit for gun purchases but he’s doubled down on arming teachers. Because so many people that I care about are teachers, because they give so much of themselves to these kids the idea of them carrying firearms is horrifying. Especially since we all know the number of black and brown dead children is going to soar. That’s just a fact.

The newest part of the gun issue is that DOUCHE wants to establish a Federal Commission on School Safety which will be staffed by, yes you guessed it, Betsy.
Betsy of the famed, “I can’t string a sentence together” Devos, who admitted to not having “intentionally” visited schools that are under performing.


Moving along, our Game Show Host President has sent his goons after Stormy Daniels trying to stop her from going on 60 minutes. In order to do this DOUCHE would need to file a restraining order against CBS so good luck doing that before the airing date on Sunday March 18th. And cause she’s being fair Stormy has offered to wire the money back to DOUCHE’s lawyer on Friday. Guess that hush money doesn’t always hush, huh?


Where’s that vodka? Cause we’re all gonna need it to get through this latest episode of America: The Apprentice. On Tuesday Rex Tillerson was fired (via twitter no less) and replaced with C.I.A. chief and former Tea Party congressman, Mike Pompeo who was viewed as being more in sync with DOUCHE’s America First *cough* Nazi *cough* ideology. The firing caught even White House official by surprise (and can we just take a minute to think about what it must be like working there? I feel like everyone needs an Ativan and a nap). Just a day before Tillerson commented on Russia’s responsibility for the poison attack in Britain. He said Russia was “an irresponsible force of instability in the world, acting with open disregard for the sovereignty of other states and the life of their citizens.”

So yeah, that’s the kind of talk that gets you shit-canned in DOUCHE’s world.

Now that Pompeo is out of the CIA the spot goes to our favorite torturer Gina Haspel. Twitter, the cesspool that it is then went on a crazy bend saying that liberal, feminist, progressives were excited about this because the CIA was now led by a woman for the first time.

Kittens, this is a tired narrative. Fine me ONE feminist/progressive/liberal woman that is celebrating this and I will eat all my doc martins.

Then the firings continued as DOUCHE dumped his personal assistant John McEntee (who is under investigation by the Dept. of Homeland Security). He also considered firing Veteran Affair Chief David Shulkin and replacing him with Rick Perry.  

I just want to take a minute to pause here and acknowledge the passing of Stephen Hawkings. His theories unlocked a universe that we are still just beginning to understand we should all be thankful that, in what feels like an intellectual vacuum these days, we were all around to breathe the same air as this man. Thank you, sir.

On Wednesday we learned that the much-maligned kids were going to be just fine. Not only were they going to be fine but we all should all get behind them and let them lead. The student lead protest over school shootings began at 10 am and the protest lasted for 17  minutes in honor of the 17 kids killed at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. The pictures (courtesy of the New York Times) are life-giving.

Of course there was some backlash – some schools barricading doors, others calling the police, and many suspending and/or giving out detentions to those that participated but that was expected.  As Pope High School senior Kara Litwin said, “There’s always going to be backlash. This is a movement, this is not simply a moment, and this is only the first step in a long process.”

A movement. Not a moment.

Sadly because the Universe has a wicked sense of humor, while this was happening three students were injured when a teacher who is also a reserve police officer accidentally fired his gun in a class devoted to public safety.

So maybe we can rethink that whole arming teachers thing. The House passed a school safety bill (407-10) to help schools and local law enforcement prevent gun violence. Sadly and predictably, it does not include in any gun control measures. Instead it provides more training for mental health officials and money for anonymous reporting of potential threats and of course, metal detectors.
Because heaven knows we’ll do absolutely ANYTHING to avoid actual gun control. This empty gesture with a wink-wink at the NRA goes to the senate for approval.

In local elections – because this is now a thing everyone has to obsess over – Conor Lamb squeaked out a razor thin lead to win the House special election over DOUCHE-backed Rick Saccone. Pennsylvania as we all know went horrifically red in the 2016 election, a rare event for a very union-backed state. This is a good sign. This is a sign that even in areas where DOUCHE won there can be reversals. It is also worth noting that the most contested district will not exist in 2019 because the State Supreme Court ruled in January that the House map was gerrymandered unlawfully.

I also want to say that Lamb is not a progressive. He’s a rather conservative democrat because a progressive dem couldn’t win in deep red PA. The takeaway here is we #VoteBlueNoMatterWho

In other good news the family of slain DNC staffer Seth Rich are suing the ever loving pants off Fox News and this gives me life because fuck them forever for using that poor man to steam roll their nonsense about Hillary.

On Thursday Bob came back with a vengeance and upped the ante when he subpoenaed the Trump Organization! What does this mean? Mostly that this is far from over. Clearly Bob is broadening the scope of his search and the plot is as they saying thickening.

In other fun news at a dinner fundraiser DOUCHE bragged that he made up facts about the US trade relations with Canada to Justin Truedeau. Honestly I think I’m at peak stupid for the week. I really do.

Also on Thursday Twitter lost its goddamn mind when it found out that Trump Jr is getting divorced. I’m not going to get into whether we should all be gleefully happy at this monster’s misfortune or if personal is personal and we should “rise above for the sake of the kids.” I try every day to have radical empathy but I don’t even feel like spending the emotional labor to figure out where I stand so I’ll stick with something that I think is more important: Once they are divorced, Vanessa can be forced to testify against DOUCHE JR as the divorce kills spousal privilege.  Anything she knows is now available to Bob.

Jeff Flake came out on Friday and said what every liberal has been saying for 400+ days now which is that the Republicans don't "deserve to lead." Yes, Jeff, they don't. This has never been more evident that it has since the election. You have full control over everything and it's been nothing but chaos, bad policy to unnecessarily hurt people and not standing up to the president*

And that's our week kittens. There was probably a lot that I missed but honestly this is like herding cats. There's only so much crazy one girl can manage.

Again, shout out to all the wonderful ladies who out did themselves. And please keep sending your stuff. Think of this as resistance art. We need your voices. Women are leading the Resistance.

This is every one of you beauties. (Also forgive me, I'm an unstoppable nerd).

Next up at 10:30 we have TWO poems by Jen Manalili
and on Sunday at 10:30 we have TWO poems by Susie Sweetland

Keep resisting, my friends. There are more of us than there are of them.

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